This is (the first of) a once-monthly feature designed to make you think. (That IS part of the Single File mission, part of the bond between us, is it not?) It's nothing (and everything) more than a collection of helpful hints, tips and brain-ticklers customized for your life, your needs. To be digested — thoroughly, I hope — at your convenience. When the time is right. (More and more, I'm a firm believer in timing.) Read them over and see which ones work in your life, which ones can enrich your singleness. And when you migrate into another way of life, you may well discover that this wisdom works (sometimes with a little tweaking) even better there. That said, shall we begin?

—Space is the last frontier, not only in science but also (and perhaps more importantly) in romance. The dark matter between stars — which used to be considered nothing more than emptiness — has been revealed to actually be cosmic glue, stuff that binds the universe. The connecting element, as it were. So what does that have to do with what matters most to you and me? A happy life is all about connection, connection of every kind. And it can only be achieved intelligently — that is, well — when partners are given/allowed/granted space to be themselves. Some may call it freedom, or a free-range partnership. And no, that does not imply free sex or an "open" relationship. (The young 'uns dreamt up something called "friendship with benefits," and I think it stinks. Like so-called "casual" sex, it's such a rare beast that it almost doesn't exist. But that's for another column.) Anyway, consider concepts like space in your relationships.

—One in five Americans has genital herpes. (!!) Although not curable, it can be managed and kept from spreading. Ask your physician about once-daily medication and wise handling. Enough said.

—Instincts are your personal truths. Listen to them carefully and heed their wisdom. Don't be talked out of them, ever. Articulate them always, quietly and clearly, with confidence.

—From Deepak Chopra's "Journey Into Healing": "The most intimate relationship is that which allows you to be yourself."

—From my most recent book: "Some sad feelings are perennial; they crop up no matter how many times you think you've weeded them from your secret garden. They are generic blues — vague, unspecified unease. Low-grade though they are, they make an ideal breeding ground for bona fide troubles — and can escalate a simple problem into full-blown self-pity. (The following list isn't meant to work out long-term problems; those deserve second and third opinions, and sometimes professional intervention.) But for the moody blues, a mini-solution: Use a technique professional counselors use, "runaway thinking." That is, exaggerate your problem to the nth degree. Blow it up in your imagination until it's so far-fetched and absurd that even you can laugh. Then go for an ice-cream cone. Double scoop.

"Sunday is traditionally a day of rest, but I suggest adding another tradition, one with repercussions far beyond the obvious. Every Sunday night, on the cusp of a new week, make it a ritual to count your blessings. Do this in full consciousness, wide-awake, so you can relish every one of them. And don't leave any out, even ones that come with your heritage. Give thanks for this free country with its economic and social mobility. Be grateful for good health and the options it gives. And be careful to include your most valuable assets, such as the ability to reason and take risks, the impulses to laugh and cry. Name every person you care about, whatever their category. Each of them is a reason to make the most of your life. Last, but certainly not least, enumerate the advantages of being unmarried, the freedom and autonomy inherent in being at the helm of your life.

"It's easy to fall into a semi-slumber that merely gets you through the days, numb to their potential. Going through the motions is pushing away the days without making much of them. I wish for you more than that. Granted, your life has problems. So does mine. No one gets through without his share. And even when the biggies have retreated and no crisis is pending, there are still minor-league irritations and worries that sap energy and good will. But I believe each of us has a mission — an obligation, really — to pay back the positive energy that entered us at birth and continues to animate us. The repayment needn't be a constant or ever-conscious effort, but I do believe it should be made often enough to keep up payments.

"There is no alternative to gratitude. There is so much misery in this world. Catastrophe and chaos are everywhere. So think about all you have, and come up with ways to share it. Your contribution will mean so much and come back to you in ways you could never plan.

"If, as we said, most of the rough spots of being single are the result of society's disapproval of the uncoupled, then revenge is called for. Your life can disprove those skewed perceptions. And if living well is the best revenge, then KNOWING you are living well must certainly be the sweetest of all paybacks. Strive to be happy. Count your blessings."

Write to Susan Deitz c/o this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.