Q. I got your name from a psychologist who said you were fantastic. My question is about my 7-year-old daughter. She seems to suffer from low self-esteem and slight depression, and is quite negative about herself. Eighty percent of the time she is happy. However, when she goes down she hits rock bottom. This seems to come mainly from rejection from her peer group. I don't really get depressed myself, so I find it quite difficult to know how to respond, apart from the usual "talk to me about it" or "pull your socks up and learn to cope" standard responses. Would any of your books help me to teach my daughter the coping mechanisms of life? I am from Australia and we live in rural New South Wales where there is not much support in our area. I would very much appreciate a response.

A. In our study of the childhoods of successful women we found they were typically both optimistic and resilient most of the time. However, it was not unusual for them to have gone through some loneliness, depression, anxiety or rejection from peers in childhood and adolescence. Although some struggled incredibly with feeling isolated, most dealt with their loneliness or feelings of difference by finding like-minded friends who shared their interests. Joining music, athletic or church groups was often helpful. Many were active in Girl Scouting, and many volunteered to help others.

While girls should be encouraged to talk about their problems, it's also important that their problems don't become so central that they view talking about problems as the only way to get parent attention. Some talk is good, but too much can connect parental love only with discussions of sadness and can become an unconscious technique for keeping mom's attention. That holds particularly true if there is another sibling in the family that is especially optimistic and upbeat and captures parents' attention positively. Two sisters often develop in opposite emotional directions in competition for their parents' attention.

My book "See Jane Win for Girls" was especially written for young girls who are coping with peer pressures and self-esteem issues. It includes some really good self-esteem and interest exercises as well as discussion topics for parents and girls to talk about after they read each chapter together. I encourage girls to develop an "I CAN" attitude that will help them believe in themselves and cope with the normal disappointments that all children go through. We want our girls to know that successful people are never successful all the time and they certainly aren't accepted by everyone. Learning independence, perseverance and a can-do attitude will help your daughter to be strong and resilient for the rest of her life.

For free newsletters on raising girls with optimism and resilience, including those about See Jane Win and How Jane Won, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or go to www.seejanewin.com for more information.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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