Q. I'm a single mom of a 9-year-old. He has bipolar disorder and has been on all kinds of medicine. He's thrown things at me and bruised me so much that I had to call the police for the things he's done to me, friends and family. Is there anything more I can do to help him and myself?

A. Your son's medication isn't enough for dealing with his problems. You need regular counseling to help you set limits for him, and he needs immediate help managing his anger. Ask your son's psychiatrist for a counselor who's accustomed to working with bipolar children. The time to do this is right away, to prevent him becoming even less manageable as a teenager.

For free newsletters about discipline for little, middle and big kids, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094, or read other parenting articles at www.sylviarimm.com.

Stay United For Your Daughter

Q. My daughter is 23 years old and lives with the father of her 2-year-old son. They've been living in our backyard apartment for about four years and have only given my husband $400 for rent over the four-year period. My daughter is looking at taking a job at a tattoo and piercing shop. My husband doesn't want her to get the job for fear she'll use drugs again. She's not used for the past three years, but we fear that she's going down the wrong road again. Are we being bad parents for not standing behind her on her choice of career, or are we being concerned and in the right? I was going to baby-sit for her when she starts this job, and now my husband says not to baby-sit unless she gets a good job. Should I trust her once more and see how she does? What should I do?

A. Before you offer to become a full-time nanny without pay, be sure your daughter is making a wise career move and isn't drifting back to drug-involved surroundings. If the tattoo and piercing shop has a reputation for attracting druggies, you're sending her back to where she started, and she won't be able to resist temptation.

Suggest she contact the community college and get some career counseling so that she can move toward a long-term career that she'll feel proud and happy to have. If you're going to take loving care of your grandson, won't you feel better if your daughter plans a safe future for herself? Talk it over with your husband and then the two of you can talk to your daughter in a way that supports her in a positive direction. Hopefully, taking some course work can lead to more than a minimum-wage job and a career environment she can be proud of.

Explain to your daughter that it isn't so much a problem of your not trusting her, as you're recognizing she can build a better life for herself and her child. Tell her you know she has talents she can use to make her life better and more interesting. Someday she'll feel appreciative that you realized that she could accomplish more and that you inspired her to do just that.

For free newsletter about parenting with a united front, alcohol and drug use, or choosing a college, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or go to www.sylviarimm.com for more parenting information.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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