Q. Our fifth-grade son tells us that he wishes he weren't smart. His grades haven't dropped at all; he has never had anything other than A's or A+'s, and his effort seems to be the same. He complains that the other kids treat him differently and that we expect too much from him.

We've made a particular effort this year to not meddle in his homework, so he does all his work on his own. I've been expecting to see a drop in his performance, but it hasn't happened. He just isn't as happy at school as he used to be. In first through third grade he used to take articles to school and explain them to the class during a special time each day. He doesn't do that anymore and he doesn't talk as much about school. He is tutored alone by a volunteer (brought in by his teacher) in algebra and trigonometry, and he really enjoys this. He also still selects good books for his reports ("Lord of the Flies," "Fahrenheit 451," etc.), so peer pressure to underperform doesn't seem to be at work.

My question is this: Are we headed for trouble? Are these signals that things are going to get messy, or does it indicate that he's finding his own way to toe the lie between his social and academic worlds? We have a hard time believing it's the second scenario, since his EQ is at least a log lower than his IQ (IQ tested at 150). In fact, he's just now really learning how to read facial expressions and have any idea how other people are reacting to him. Any advice, prediction, or intervention may help.

A. There's no doubt your extremely gifted son is feeling peer pressure. Although you perceive that his emotional development doesn't match his intelligence, kids with average emotional development who are his age seek friendships and peers who share their interests. There aren't too many fifth graders studying trigonometry or reading "Lord of the Flies," so he must feel more than a little lonely. Furthermore, fifth graders no longer think it's cool for the same smart student to explain articles to the class. Your son may be suffering a great social disadvantage during the next few years. My study of 5,000 middle schoolers for my book "Growing Up Too Fast" (Rodale, 2005) suggested that these are difficult peer-pressured years for gifted students.

The gifted coordinator in the school or in your State Department of Education may be able to find a peer group for your son. Gifted math classes are sometimes offered on Saturdays for kids who love math, allowing unusual students from several school districts to learn together and make friends. Special interest groups like chess clubs, drama groups, religious youth groups, computer clubs, or music organizations may also help your son to feel included.

It's good that he does his schoolwork independently and keeps up his good grades. While it's possible his loneliness could pressure him toward underachieving, if you guide him toward extracurricular and curricular activities where he can make friends who share his interests, he's likely to continue his strong achievement.

A school psycho-evaluation can help you to determine if your son would benefit socially and academically by a grade skip or further acceleration. He also likely needs family support and encouragement at this difficult time.

For a free newsletter about keys to parenting your gifted child or "Growing Up Too Fast," send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or read other parenting articles at www.sylviarimm.com.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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