Q. I am the mother of an 8½-year-old girl who is the oldest of three girls. From a very early age she was very perceptive. She learned to read before kindergarten and was playing classical piano by ear at the age of 4. She now takes lessons and also plays soccer and loves it.

Her second-grade teacher told me personally that her score on her skills test was so above and beyond the rest of the class that the principal told her teacher to down play her score because there was no place for her in her current school. Our option was to push her ahead a grade because her teacher had indicated to us that she is very proficient in all her academics.

We recently received a letter from her teacher that she's drawing all over her book covers and scrap paper, daydreaming and acting inappropriately in class. One day she came home crying and finally broke down over the dinner table and said that her teacher called her lazy and irresponsible. She refused to go to school the next day. This is a girl who loves school and missed only one day in four years.

I don't know what action to take now. She's in third grade and isn't ready emotionally to be pushed ahead academically. My daughter is a very sweet and sensitive child who tries so hard and seeks acceptance on all levels. We've been told she's brilliant, but is a bit immature socially. I'm frustrated because the school system caters to the less fortunate and ignores the child who's obviously advanced in her studies but can't quench her thirst to learn because the school turns off the faucet. Any advice or reading recommendations would be greatly appreciated.

A. Your gifted child has undoubtedly been unchallenged at school for several years. This may be the first year she's confronting something that is difficult. Because she assumes that everything should be easy, a small challenge may have frightened her and caused her to back away and appear lazy. That "lazy" label, of course, embarrassed her. She probably wants very much to please her teacher and is sad that her teacher appears not to like her. That's how calling her lazy would likely be received by her.

A psychoeducational evaluation by a school or private psychologist familiar with the needs of gifted children can shed further light on whether she needs a grade skip or not. What appears to be emotional immaturity may only be boredom. There's considerable research that indicates that grade skipping helps gifted children, both academically and emotionally. Learning to cope with challenge will enhance her self-confidence.

I think you'll find my book "Keys to Parenting the Gifted Child" (Great Potential Press, 2007), now in its third edition, very helpful. If you'd like a free sample newsletter about "Keys to Parenting Your Gifted Child," send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or read other parenting articles at www.sylviarimm.com.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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