Q. I have a very lazy son who barely studies. His time shifts between the computer (chatting, games), writing lyrics for rap music, listening to music and watching TV. He's in high school, and I'm very afraid he'll have to repeat this year as a result of not studying enough.

I've tried to limit his above activities in order for him to use the time to study, but it's not working and leads only to heated arguments. Can you advise me as to how to approach this problem?

A. I'm not sure why you're arguing with your son, but it sounds as if he has more power than he should have. When a child doesn't do his homework or study and may be failing classes, he should lose television and computer privileges until he completes his homework. He can gradually earn privileges as he shows responsibility. If you've lost so much control that he'll defy you and watch anyway, you can lock up the television sets by using plug locks or locking the family room that holds all the entertainment. My research on middle schoolers for my book "Growing Up Too Fast" (Rodale, 2005) found that boys were watching screens five times the amount of time as they were doing homework, so at least you know your son isn't alone with this problem.

It does sound as if you need some help in guiding him and that he would benefit from a full evaluation, so it may be best if you start by contacting your school psychologist or a private psychologist for that evaluation. It's possible that your son has some kind of disability and has thus lost confidence. In addition to getting your son some immediate help, I'd suggest you read my book "Why Bright Kids Get Poor Grades" (Crown Publishing, 1995), since the book may provide you with insight about his problem as well.

For a free newsletter about underachievement, learning disabilities, or Growing Up Too Fast, send a large, self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or read "Solving the Mysterious Underachievement Problem" at www.sylviarimm.com.

Fear Of The Dark At Age 11 Is Unusual

Q. My 11-year-old son has suddenly become afraid of the dark. He has slept alone in his room since infancy, but now is terrified to be alone in the dark. We've put a night-light in his room, allowed him to lock the exterior doors and even put a golf club next to his bed, so he'd have something with which to "defend" himself. We have two dogs in the house that will bark if anyone approaches our home, and we've reassured him about our safety. Nothing has worked. As far as I know, there's been no traumatic event recently to have caused this sudden change. We live in a safe neighborhood and have never had a break-in. Except for this, he's a happy, well-adjusted child who does well in school and enjoys baseball and soccer. He even went to camp last summer for a week and wasn't homesick in the least. We're baffled and sleep deprived! Should we seek professional help for him or be patient and hope that this phase will pass?

A. It's truly surprising that an 11 year old should suddenly begin fearing the dark. It's likely that something has happened to cause his fears and because he admits to nothing, he's either repressed the memory or is afraid to share the truth with you. For now, I suggest letting him sleep in a sibling's room, have the dogs sleep in his room, or turn a light on for a few nights. If none of these are effective, a psychologist may be able to discover what has caused the new fear and help him to get over his irrational fright. You definitely need help if the problem continues.

For a free newsletter about children with fears and fearful children, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094, or read other parenting articles at www.sylviarimm.com.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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