Q. We have five children (ages 2, 4, 6, 8 and 11). Our 4- and 6-year-olds have always been picky eaters. They'll eat only a select few fruits, vegetables and grain products, and hardly any meat. Although we always have healthy meals, they refuse to eat what the rest of us are having. They do eat pretty healthy, but it's the same thing every day: peanut butter sandwiches, hot dogs, apples, carrots, cheese, grapes, strawberries, salad, green beans, broccoli (can you believe that!), baked French fries, tater tots, spaghetti, pizza, and wheat bread or toast. So, my question to you is: Do we let them eat "their" meal, or do we "make" them eat what we're having? Every evening meal is driving me crazy!

A. Many children are picky eaters. While it would be nice if your children eagerly ate everything you presented at the table, your picky eaters have at least selected a variety of healthy foods. I see two possible choices for you so that your evening meals don't "drive you crazy." It is very important that meals don't become battlegrounds over food.

The first choice is the easiest. Cook dinner for all, but include food for your two picky eaters that they would also choose — for example, peanut butter sandwiches, carrots, apples and a salad or broccoli, cheese and grapes. Some of these foods can also be included for the rest of the family, along with your typical meals. If the two picky eaters would like to try other foods, they can ask for them. I don't suggest begging them to eat anything. It's better that their food choices attract no special attention or arguments. I'm sure they'll eventually expand their choices and you will be able to relax.

Here's an alternate plan you could choose that was recommended to me by a pediatrician who is absolutely confident it will work. Offer the children small portions of the same food that you give everyone, but give them no other choices. If they say they're hungry, tell them they have the choice of eating their meals and drinking all the water they'd like. Try that for several days without any arguing or other choices. This pediatrician claims thereafter, they will eat anything gratefully.

Since your picky eaters are only 4 and 6, this may actually work. I wouldn't suggest this for older children, and you can only try this with younger children if you and your partner (or a grandparent who also happens to be at the table) absolutely agree. It can't work if the children pit one parent or grandparent against you. I can't promise you that you'll win, and considering the long list of foods they dislike, you may decide it's not worth a battle.

For free newsletters about raising preschoolers or the principles of parenting, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or read "Raising Preschoolers" at www.syviarimm.com.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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