Q. My 7-year-old daughter is very sensitive to correction. Any time we correct a behavior that is unacceptable, she'll either cry or get very sarcastic in self-defense. She also complains about almost everything, like not having the right shoes, not having the right shirt, her sister is singing too loudly, etc. She's the youngest of three. If she's put in a time-out for something, she'll yell that everybody hates her or hit or bite herself. I'm really getting concerned about her behavior, and I'm at a loss for what to do about it. If she's acting like this now, how will she deal with bigger issues when she's a teenager?

A. It's difficult to know from your letter whether your daughter actually has a serious problem or whether, as baby of the family, she received so much attention that now, in growing up, she feels attention deprived. For example, her response to time-out seems unusually severe. That response could come because, if she used it in the past, you reassured her that everyone did indeed love her, hugged her and let her out of time-out, or because something much more serious is taking place. The same holds with her overreactions to shoes or clothes — they could be attention seeking, or she could be a very sensitive child and truly be struggling with her sensitivities. Occupational therapy often helps children overcome these physical sensitivities, but the first direction to take is to see a psychologist who can provide you with an overall evaluation based on a better understanding of both the family environment and your daughter's personal needs. You are correct to assume that it's better to get at the root of the problem now than waiting until those more difficult teen years.

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Boy's Behavior is Worrisome

Q. I know this is inappropriate behavior, but I'm wondering if it's dangerous. A 13-year-old boy in my neighborhood is always playing with the 3- and 4-year olds. He isolates them and holds them close or puts them on his lap. He kisses them on the cheek continually. Is this just a new phase that shows he's maturing? I watch my kids like a hawk, but it gets me worried. I have no proof of really aberrant behavior, but what do you think?

A. There's reason to worry. While tweens sometimes like to babysit and can be very sweet and affectionate, this boy should be spending more time with friends and less with preschoolers. You might start by sharing your concern with friends who are also parents of the young children, so they can also observe. If you're not alone with your worries, several of you can chat with the boy's mother and suggest that he keep himself busy in other ways. If the boy's mother asks for suggestions, you could recommend the boy see a counselor about appropriate social skills. Be sure not to label the behavior sexual abuse unless you observe actual abuse. It may only be that he's a sweet, affectionate boy who doesn't have friends. To be sure, it's best he gets help, before serious problems appear.

For a free newsletter about developing social skills, send a large, self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or go to www.sylviarimm.com for more parenting information.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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