Q. I'm a 31-year-old mom of an 11-year-old daughter. She's ready for her first training bra, but is fighting me on it.

The thing is that my husband (her father) insists that I never wear a bra. I don't even own one, although I lobbied hard to keep one on hand for rare situations. Please don't judge us. That's just us. I had worried that I would sag from the lack of support, but I didn't see any evidence of that.

Still, we wanted our daughter to wear one, as the school would require it. However, she does not see why she has to wear a bra when her daddy won't let me wear one. How should we handle this?

A. I'll not judge you, because I'm laughing and wondering if your question is even real. Why would you expect your daughter to wear a bra if you don't? I also think it's strange that you're not independent enough to buy or wear a bra for those times you must prefer to wear one. Welcome to the 21st century where women don't just obey their husband's whims. But then again, I said I wouldn't judge you.

If you don't rush your daughter or make this issue into a battle, peer pressure will likely overcome parent pressure, and your daughter will beg you to get a bra like most of her friends. On the other hand, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, so if the school mandates wearing bras, you may have to wear one just to keep your daughter out of trouble.

For a free newsletter about growing up too fast for middle schoolers, send a large, self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094, or go to www.sylviarimm.com for more parenting information.

Yes, Nose-Picking Is Gross

Q. My 8-year-old daughter has a bad habit of picking her nose and eating it. How can I get her to stop? We've talked to her about it being unhealthy and that other people will think it's gross. We're constantly telling her to stop when we see her do it. I've even heard other children mention that it's gross. Nothing seems to deter her. Do you have any suggestions?

A. While we'd all agree that the habit is ugly, we also know your child is not alone with that habit. We've seen it all too often. Now that you've explained the problem to your daughter and she's aware her friends will also find it gross, you need to team with her to come up with ideas for how she can break the habit. Peer pressure is on your side. Reward systems also usually work well. She can earn a point for every day she hasn't picked her nose, by her own admission and by your observation. The points can be accumulated toward something she'd like to buy. Twenty successful days, not necessarily in order, should be enough to break the habit.

In an effort to assure her you're trying to help, you can observe her most problematic times — for example, while watching TV or at bedtime — and encourage her to wear cotton gloves (available at any pharmacy) during those times when she's likely to pick her nose without thinking.

You will also want to check with your family physician to determine if there's any physiological problem that has started her on this habit.

For a free newsletter about developing social skills, send a large, self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or go to www.sylviarimm.com for more parenting information.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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