Dear Mr. Berko: Please tell me what you think of United Airlines as an 18-month to 24-month investment. Several brokers recommend it. With oil prices falling, more people will be able to travel and I think United, the second biggest airline in the world, could profit very nicely. I can afford to buy $10,000 worth, or about 1,190 shares. But I am concerned because the stock took a big fall in early September and went down more than 9 points. I couldn't find a reason for that huge drop. I did own United for about 6 months before it went bankrupt in early 2002. I lost more than $8,000 and don't want it to happen again. — R.G., Bend, Ore.

Dear R.G.: United Airlines (UAUA-$8.40), founded in 1934, has 3,023 flights serving 206 destinations in the United States — and if management had any brains they'd reduce the number of flights by 30 percent and their destinations by the same amount. UAUA also serves 895 destinations to 158 countries outside the U.S.

If Glenn F. Tilton, Kathryn Mikells and John F. Tague — the team running this floundering, foundering airline — would stop taking their meds for a month, reason might prevail and they'd reduce those destinations by 50 percent. If those fools had any business sense they'd realize that UAUA's business plan, which has been an incontrovertible failure, needs an industrial-strength enema.

Big carriers like United can't be all things to tall travelers, flying from South Bend, Ind., to Sarasota, Fla., in seats barely big enough for an inflatable doll, at 42 percent capacity and charge $69 for a one-way ticket. Who wants to fly from South Bend to Sarasota every day anyway?

But if they reduce the flights to once a week, United can make money at $169 per one-way ticket while giving passengers more leg and hip room plus a warm meal. If that's too steep for some travelers, then let 'em take the train, a bus, a car, hitchhike or stay home. Inexpensive air travel isn't a right, as some folks seem to think, it's a privilege, like a vacation to Disneyland or attending a professional football game.

Yes, I know that J.P Morgan, Lehman Brothers, Credit Suisse, Reuters, Market Edge and Dean Witter recently had "buy" recommendation on UAUA. I think their analysts may be dining on spoiled road kill or spending too much time eating Twinkies under the power lines. UAUA might be the second largest airline but that just makes it a bigger potential failure.

As I've said before, an airline that has its house in order, an airline that understands the transportation and people business, an airline that knows how to make a profit is Southwest. The big carriers ought to take a lesson from the lads who run Southwest. And, no, a thousand times no, I would not buy UAUA as a two-year investment.

Oh, its price might rise above the current $8.40 level, but I'm as certain as sunshine follows sunset that the risks of ownership are not worth the possible rewards. UAUA and its brethren are operating a business in the 21st century with 20th century management. Their management still wears blue suits with brown shoes and white socks, when sport coats, slacks and loafers are "de rigueur."

Meanwhile, UAUA's one-day nosedive was an anomaly as well as a one-day buying opportunity for some clever traders. Apparently Sam Zell's Fort Lauderdale Sun Sentinel, a Tribune Media Corp. newspaper, was encouraged to print a 2002 story attributed to the present, that UAUA was filing for bankruptcy. UAUA's shares closed at $12.30 on Friday, Sept. 5, and crashed to $3 the following Monday when the Sun-Sentinel published that old news in its archive section.

That was the time to buy UAUA because sometime between 10:30 a.m. and noon the stock fell 9 points and those who anticipated the decline and were fleet of foot made a nice profit. Unfortunately, you were not among the few who recognized that unique opportunity.

Please address your financial questions to Malcolm Berko, P.O. Box 1416, Boca Raton, FL 33429 or e-mail him at malber@comcast.net. To find out more about Malcolm Berko and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.

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