Monday, July 7

Only time will sober up a drinker

DR. WALLACE: A girl wrote to you wanting to know the fastest way to get sober after drinking too much alcohol. You said that nothing could help. How can you say that? My older brother works at a homeless shelter and he said that drunks are given black coffee and a cold shower, and after about 15 minutes they're almost sober. I also read where a cemetery in Southern California offered free hot, black coffee every New Year's Eve for drivers who had been drinking. What do you have to say about that? - Kristi, Porterville, Calif.

KRISTI: I think the cemetery was getting some free publicity. Drinking coffee in a cemetery might have a lasting effect on the drinker if he wasn't too drunk to notice the headstones. Drinking black coffee and taking a cold shower do nothing more than produce a wet drunk. It takes the liver about one hour to oxidize one drink and that's the way it is. Only time will sober a person and nothing can speed up the process.

NO SUCH THING AS A HEALTHY TAN

DR. WALLACE: Ever since Sen. John McCain had an operation to remove skin cancer, I've become concerned about being in the sun. From now on, I'm going to avoid being out in the sun for any length of time and when I am, I'll use the proper sunscreen. This will be a huge change because I was a huge sun worshipper. Any tips to avoid skin cancer for teens who are in the sun a lot would be beneficial. - Maddy, Phoenix.

MADDY: Dermatologists at the University of Michigan Medical Center do not promote sun tanning, but know that some teens will ignore health warnings and sunbathe, regardless of possible consequences. These are their recommendations:

- Getting sunburned is the worst thing you can do to your skin. There's no such thing as a healthy tan! Tanning promotes skin damage.

- Choose the right sunscreen based on your skin's sensitivity to sunlight. Tanning products that screen out ultraviolet rays are labeled with sun protection factor ratings that range from 2 to 50. An SPF of 2 means you can spend two times as much time in the sun without burning as you could with no sunscreen. The higher the SPF, the higher the protection level.

- Don't count on sunscreen for full protection. No sunscreen can block all the sun's damaging rays. Rely on wide brim hats and protective clothing when you're outdoors.

- Light-skinned people have the greatest risk of getting sunburned. While people with darker skin have some degree of natural protection, they, too, can get burned.

- Young people (teens included) may suffer consequences from excessive sun exposure decades later.

- Sunlight can be reflected off sand and water. That's why beach goers must take special care not to get burned.

- Radiation can filter through clouds. You can get burned on an overcast day.

- If you do get sunburned, immerse the affected skin in cold water. Do not use ointments or grease. Take pain relievers containing aspirin and see a doctor if substantial blistering occurs.

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'TWEEN 12 AND 20

Tuesday, July 8

By Dr. Robert Wallace

Copley News Service

Promises are meant to be honored

DR. WALLACE: I'm a very responsible 13-year-old girl. I'm on the honor roll at school and do all of my household chores. All my close friends spend time on Saturdays at the mall. I'm usually not allowed to go, but last week my mom promised she'd let me go for two hours. She said she'd drive me there and pick me up. This was part of my birthday present.

So I was all excited last Saturday morning because I was going to have lunch with four of my friends at the mall. But just when it was time for my mother to take me, one of her friends called and they talked for over an hour. When she hung up, she said she didn't have time to drive me to the mall because she had to go over to this friend's house. When I said, "You promised you'd drive me to the mall," she said that a mother had the right to break a promise. I don't think that's right. Do you? - Tish, Gary, Ind.

TISH: Promises should be honored by everyone, including parents, unless an unforeseen occurrence makes them impossible to keep. If your mother had to break her promise because of a genuine emergency, she owed you an explanation - and perhaps a new promise to take you the following week. It appears to me that seeing her friend did not qualify as an emergency. Not honoring her promise to you was a very serious parental error.

YOUNG COUPLE IS AN EXCEPTION TO THE RULE

DR. WALLACE: I'm quite sure you won't print this letter even though I wish you would.

I'm 19 and happily married to a sweet and mature 17-year-old. We were going steady for more than a year before we married. My father-in-law said we could marry when she was 17 if we were in love.

Well, we were, and we were married in a big church wedding. We've been married three months now and I have no regrets.

I know you always say don't think about marriage at such a young age, but you are wrong in some cases.

As I said, this probably won't be printed, but thanks for your time anyway. By the way, my wife and I enjoy reading your column. - Devin, Purcell, Okla.

DEVIN: I guess you learned that if you want to see your name in print, start your letter with, "You won't print this ..."

I'm glad it is working out for you and your bride, but, yes, I feel that 17-year-old girls should not take on the many responsibilities of marriage. There are exceptions and I'm sure your marriage is one of them.

EX-SMOKERS LIKELY TO PACK ON A FEW POUNDS

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and have been smoking for over five years and I would really like to quit. I hear that when you quit you gain weight. True or false? - Angie, Gary, IN.

ANGIE: It's common to gain a bit of weight when one stops smoking. That's because ex-smokers tend to feel anxious and turn to yet another oral activity - eating. The solution is to whip the smoking problem, then work on losing those extra pounds. Right now, your health priority is to become an ex-smoker.

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'TWEEN 12 AND 20

Wednesday, July 9

By Dr. Robert Wallace

Copley News Service

Time with grandmother can be positive

DR. WALLACE: When I was 18, I married a guy who was 40 just to get away from my dysfunctional parents. Both are alcoholics and they fought with each other constantly. They still do.

My troubled marriage lasted two years, but it gave me a beautiful daughter. I am now almost 22 and married to a wonderful guy who is 24. He loves me and my daughter very much. We plan to have two children of our own.

I just found out two days ago that my former husband was killed in an automobile crash three weeks ago. He was driving drunk and hit a tree and was killed instantly. I was sad to hear the tragic news, but since we were divorced he never once came to see the baby and rarely paid any child support. He had moved to Mexico.

Last night my ex-husband's mother called and said she wanted to be a part of my daughter's life. She said she was sorry she didn't become part of her life sooner, but she wants to make up for lost time. I told her I'd think about it and call her back. After thinking it over, I decided I didn't want this lady to be part of my daughter's life because she would also have to be part of my life, and to be honest, I never liked her - never will.

But my husband says the lady is my daughter's grandmother and as long as she behaves herself she should be a part of her granddaughter's life. I'm asking you to break the deadlock. It's not a life-or-death matter, but we both have agreed to abide by your decision. - Sandy, El Paso, Texas.

SANDY: You might be inconvenienced, but it would be in your daughter's best interest to have a happy, healthy, loving relationship with her grandmother. Take it a step at a time. Let your ex-mother-in-law visit with her granddaughter; if the visit is positive, she can see her again. If for any reason the meetings seem to be detrimental to your daughter, grandmother's visiting rights can be terminated.

REPORTING OF SEXUAL ABUSE HAS INCREASED

DR. WALLACE: I find it hard to believe the number of child sexual abuse cases that have occurred in the past decade. Almost every day child sexual abuse is reported in newspapers or on television. Isn't it possible that all this media attention is encouraging more to get involved in this despicable crime? - Kim, Ames, Iowa.

KIM: Reports of child sexual abuse have increased dramatically over the last few years. As many as one out of five young women and one out of 10 young boys will have had a sexually abusive experience while still a child, according to Dr. Anne Cohen, executive director, National Committee for Prevention of Child Abuse.

Cohen does not feel the amount of sexual abuse has increased significantly in the past 10 years; however, reporting of it has gone up and that is good. She also says that there is no clear social, economic, racial, cultural or geographic group that is more likely to be sexually abused than others.

Ninety percent of all abusers are male and in 85 percent of all cases the abuser is someone who is known and trusted by the child - a father, stepfather, uncle, mother's boyfriend, camp counselor, youth worker or volunteer.

Kim, it's imperative that child sexual abuse be discussed openly and often. Children need to learn from parents, medical experts, teachers and nurses what can be done to prevent abuse and to be encouraged to inform "key" adults at the first sexual attempt. Informative writing about child sexual abuse can do nothing but help.

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'TWEEN 12 AND 20

Thursday, July 10

By Dr. Robert Wallace

Copley News Service

Mail is none of mother's business

DR. WALLACE: A good friend's cousin lives in Nova Scotia, Canada, and he wanted a pen pal living in California. My friend asked if I would enjoy being his pen pal and I said yes. I thought corresponding with a guy my age (we are both 16) would be exciting, and it is. Jason and I have been writing for about seven months. We have exchanged photographs and small Christmas gifts. I look forward to his letters. He has told me about his family, school, city (Halifax) and country. Now he is telling me about the fun things he does with his friends. I have told him about the same things in my life.

There is no romance involved. He has a girlfriend and she is aware of our pen pal relationship. This fun and exciting experience shouldn't produce a problem, but it has - my mother. For the past month she has been opening and reading my letters from Jason. Yesterday when I came home from school she announced, "You got a letter from that guy in Canada and he said that he would like to see you in person and would like to invite you to Canada and that you could stay at his cousin's (a girl) house." This really hit a raw nerve. I told her she had no business opening and reading my personal mail and I wanted her to stop immediately or I'd have my pal write to me at a friend's house. This caused my mother to blow her cool and we had a huge fight, with both of us yelling at each other.

Mom's argument, simply put, is that she has the right to open and read my mail whenever she wants. I think she should not open my personal letters, although I'll let her read them after I've read them first. Mom and I have kissed and made up, but we still disagree on this point. Whose side are you on? - Nameless, Tupelo, Miss.

NAMELESS: I'm on your side. I'm sure many parents will disagree with me, but teens deserve some privacy and to be trusted. Only when the trust is violated should parents "snoop." Parents should possess the ability to "know what's happening" with their teens without having graduated from the FBI Academy. It's called "communication."

LET BOYFRIEND FIGURE OUT PROBLEMS ALONE

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and have a very unusual problem. My boyfriend and I had dated for over a year when we broke up six months ago.

Recently, we got back together, but now he doesn't hug me or even hold my hand and he barely kisses me. To be honest, he treats me like I have the plague. He says that he loves me, but he doesn't really know why.

I'm really confused. Please help me. - Phyllis, Astoria, Ore.

PHYLLIS: I believe that "actions speak louder than words." Something is bothering this guy. Give him some time to work things out - alone. Stop seeing him and don't go back until his actions perk up.

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'TWEEN 12 AND 20

Friday, July 11

By Dr. Robert Wallace

Copley News Service

No quick remedies for intoxication

DR. WALLACE: No lectures please; just answer my question. If you don't choose to answer it, I won't be offended. I'm hanging around with a group of guys who are into alcohol. I, too, have started to drink, but the guys never put pressure on me to join them when they have a few cold ones. Since I'm new at drinking, it doesn't take a lot of alcohol to get me high.

Since my parents are nondrinkers, I don't want them to know that their 17-year-old son is drinking. When I do drink too much, what is the fastest way to become sober? Hot coffee just doesn't work for me. - Nameless, Portland, Ore.

NAMELESS: Cold showers have the same effect as hot coffee as a remedy for intoxication - none at all. There are no remedies. Time, and time alone, will return an intoxicated person to a state of sobriety. The amount of time it takes depends on how much you drink and how much you weigh.

This is not a lecture, just a few words of friendly advice. Alcohol, as you know, is highly potent and can become addictive. The number of deaths and injuries, devastated families and wasted money for which it bears responsibility is staggering.

Also be aware that if the drinker becomes an alcoholic, he or she is an alcoholic for life. There is no cure for the disease called alcoholism.

I'm not sure that you will take my advice to make friends with guys who don't drink, but continuing to consume alcohol is a one-way ticket to trouble.

DON'T DUMP BOYFRIEND UNTIL HE RECUPERATES

DR. WALLACE: I'm 15 and so is my boyfriend. I haven't seen him in over a week because he has a bad case of the flu. Before he got sick, we saw each other every day and things were great. Ever since he has been confined to his house he has been real mean. We talk to each other on the telephone every day and all he wants to do is argue.

Last night he called me a nag and hung up on me. I felt so bad that I cried myself to sleep. I'm thinking of calling him and ending it all. What do you think? - Nameless, Jackson, Miss.

NAMELESS: I think your boyfriend is unhappy, uncomfortable and irritable, all due to the fact that he is housebound because of his illness.

If he still acts like a "monster" after he recuperates, then you might consider ending the relationship. Wait and see what happens.

LET THE BOY GO

DR. WALLACE: My ex-boyfriend and I are 19 and went together for about a year. I liked him very much and I thought he felt the same about me. I thought wrong. A month ago, he called me and said we wouldn't be seeing each other any more because he had lost interest in me and wanted to date around.

Now I've discovered that he's been dating a girl who has a bad reputation. This shocks me, because he was a perfect gentleman and seemed to be very religious. I still care for this guy and hate to see him ruin his life.

Would it be wise for me to try to win him back? My mother says to let him go. What's your opinion? - Linda, Naples, Fla.

LINDA: Mom's right - let him go, and above all, don't trouble yourself about his new girlfriend. The hardest part about breaking up is withdrawing our emotional investment in the other person. You need to focus on your own life again and worry about your own social life, not your ex's.

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'TWEEN 12 AND 20

Saturday, July 12

By Dr. Robert Wallace

Copley News Service

Daisy the dog doesn't want to go 'Hollywood'

DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend's mother has a darling little dog and it has pierced ears and wears earrings. She told me that piercing the dog's ears was a painless procedure. Now I want to get my cocker spaniel's ears pierced, but my father won't let me. Please help me convince him to let me get Daisy's ears pierced. I tried putting on clip-on earrings, but she keeps shaking them off. - Becky, Naples, Fla.

BECKY: You might think pierced ears and earrings would look cool on Daisy, but somehow I think she'd disagree. She's already told you what she thinks of clip-ons.

I'm with your father on this issue. Please allow Daisy to be beautiful just the way she is. She doesn't want to go "Hollywood!"

KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR HIDDEN TREASURES

DR. WALLACE: My grandmother died a month ago. My mom and I are going over to clean her garage so they can sell her house. I don't mind helping out, but my brother won't be helping because he has basketball practice from 12 to 3 p.m. I don't think this is fair. He always gets out of Saturday work because of practice. To make matters worse, my dad goes to all of his practices. - Missy, Tyler, Texas.

MISSY: Sometimes fairness is all in how you look at things. For instance, not long ago a Los Angeles teen was helping his parents clean up the garage attached to their 50-year-old house. In the midst of the "drudgery," he found an odd-looking vase stuck behind a stack of old newspapers. His mother was going to put it in her yard sale, but decided first to have it appraised. It's a good thing she did. The rare antique Chinese vase was auctioned for $170,000. She gave half of the money to her son to pay for his college education - and then some. You never know what you might find when you clean out someone's garage. See if mother will allow you to keep any unusual "junk" you come across. You just might wind up making your brother feel like he's the one getting the raw deal!

JUST BE LUCKY YOU CAN DATE

DR. WALLACE: I'm 15 and my parents do allow me to date, but they insist that my date and I double date. This is really a bummer and shows that they do not trust me. Do you agree? - Nameless, Lake Charles, La.

NAMELESS: If your parents didn't trust you, you wouldn't be allowed to date at all. Double dating can be fun and allows a certain amount of freedom where you can just be yourself. Single dating puts a lot more pressure on younger teens who are relatively inexperienced in dating. The biggest problem seems to be keeping an interesting conversation flowing. Be happy that you are allowed to date. Many 15-year-olds write because they are not even permitted this privilege.

CRACKING KNUCKLES DOESN'T LEAD TO ARTHRITIS

DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend has the bad habit of cracking his knuckles. Whenever he does this, I tell him it's not only rude and crude, but it will lead to arthritis when he gets older. My grandfather cracked his knuckles all the time and now he is so arthritic he can't even write. My boyfriend doesn't believe this. He says he's sure what he's doing is not harmful. Please give him the word. - Mary, Centralia, Wash.

MARY: The sound can be irritating, but there is no evidence that it will cause problems later in life, according to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn. The cracking noise is caused by the quick forcing of the fluids that line the joints from one side of the joint to the other.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Write to him at Copley News Service, P.O. Box 120190, San Diego, CA 92112 or e-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net.

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