Monday, June 16

Parents can contribute to anorexia

DR. WALLACE: My cousin is a highly intelligent young lady, attractive and witty. She also happens to be a victim of anorexia nervosa (self-starvation). I am at wits end trying to find out what would cause a young person to resort to such a drastic and possibly deadly eating pattern. She is now undergoing treatment in a psychiatric hospital.

Why would she become anorexic? - Nameless, Moncton, New Brunswick.

NAMELESS: About one of every 200 North American teens, from every religion, race and ethnic group, suffers from anorexia nervosa. Ninety percent of them are female. There are two main factors that drive teens to become anorexic:

The first is the overpowering desire to emulate slender young stars. Athletes, dancers and cheerleaders are often coached to increase performance skills, make weight categories and score higher on visual appearance in competition.

Parental pressure is the second big factor. Sometimes parents who are overprotective and controlling, and have closed communication and unrealistically high expectations, unwittingly drive their children to "succeed" in losing weight by means of self-starvation, which can be fatal.

VISIT NUTRITIONIST BEFORE DIET CHANGE

DR. WALLACE: Just a note in regard to your answer to the 17-year-old boy who wanted to become a vegetarian. You told him to see his "family doctor" before he did anything. Family doctors are not necessarily well-versed in nutrition. I think you should have suggested that this boy visit a nutrition specialist. - Sherie, Ontario, Ore.

SHERIE: I have come to the conclusion that most people interested in vegetarianism do not put much faith in the "family doctor" when dealing with nutrition. Your letter was the 157th I've received on this topic, all saying essentially the same thing.

This makes me a believer! From now on I'm going to suggest that teens interested in vegetarianism contact a nutritionist first, then see their doctor. I still think it's a good idea to have a checkup from a physician before starting any restrictive diet.

DOGS DO UNDERSTAND PEOPLE

DR. WALLACE: The first thing I do when I come home is find my dog. When I do, she comes running to me wagging her tail. I then tell her that she is a "good dog" and that I love her very much. My grandfather who lives with us, keeps telling me that I'm wasting my time talking to Daisy because she doesn't know what I'm saying. I disagree. I think Daisy understands me. Who's right? - Lana, Dothan, Ala.

LANA: Daisy doesn't understand English, but she does understand YOU.

Those who work with animals agree that dogs do understand human sounds - not the actual words, but how the words are spoken. Loud, harsh words cause the dog to cower, but soft words encourage her to come closer and wag her tail.

According to the American Kennel Club, 99 percent of all pet owners admit they talk to their animals, and 88 percent view their pet as a member of their family. And would you believe that 20 percent of all pet owners leave a television, radio or stereo playing for their pets when they leave them home alone? Scientific studies have also shown that the vast majority of pet owners are happier, healthier and live longer than those who do not have an animal friend.

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'TWEEN 12 AND 20

Tuesday, June 17

By Dr. Robert Wallace

Copley News Service

Dump this dangerous loser of a friend

DR. WALLACE: I need your help and fast. I'm a 17-year-old guy and my best friend is also 17. He and I do practically everything together - go to parties, cruise around and attend rock concerts. When we go out, I always drive because he doesn't have a car. While I'm driving he pulls all kinds of stunts like opening the door when I'm going 40 mph or grabbing the wheel and whipping it around, trying to scare someone walking along the side of the road.

At home he constantly fights with his mother and her live-in boyfriend. His mother calls him an uncontrollable teenager and threatens to send him away to a detention home.

My question is, how can I keep this guy under control when I drive? I've lost track of the near misses. Mike always says it's no big deal, but I know it is. Help! He is my only friend I have in the world. When I can't get use of a car, he doesn't come around. - Nameless, Colorado Springs, Colo.

NAMELESS: Mike is one of the poorest excuses for a friend I've ever heard of. Believe me, you can do much better. Don't sell yourself so short and do not - I repeat, DO NOT - allow him to ride in your car again. He's a manslaughter charge waiting to happen, and you're the one who would have to stand trial.

When you dump him, you will find other friends. I'm sure many guys stay away from you because they know you're cruising with Mike. What you need is a strategy for making friends and, at the same time, boosting your low self-esteem. Join a club or two at school and start getting involved in after-school activities. If you attend a religious institution, there's sure to be a youth group that would welcome you.

But please stay away from this dangerous loser.

GRANDMOTHER NEEDS TO GO

DR. WALLACE: I'm 15 and desperately need your advice. My parents have been divorced for a year and my mother has custody of me. Mom and I are very best friends and we love each other very much. I believe she is the best mother in the world. Mom is a strict mother, but she is also very fair.

My grandmother (my dad's mom) lives nearby and visits us occasionally. When she does, she calls my dad who lives in California and fills him full of lies. He calls and tells mom that she is a terrible mother and that I've turned into a tramp. This makes my mother angry and she hangs up on him. Then both of us sit down and cry. Please give us some advice. - Teen, Lake Charles, La.

TEEN: The vast majority of grandmothers are loving, caring and helpful members of the family. A few could be considered to be nasty, troublesome, deceitful ladies who have nothing better to do than to cause as much family chaos as possible.

I would encourage mom to inform grandmother that she is no longer a welcome guest in your home.

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'TWEEN 12 AND 20

Wednesday, June 18

By Dr. Robert Wallace

Copley News Service

Teacher was rude and wrong

DR. WALLACE: Our English teacher gives us a reading assignment and then a verbal quiz the next day. She asks a question and we're not allowed to raise our hand because she selects the students randomly. I always do my assignment because I want to be prepared when she calls on me.

Yesterday she asked me who Othello was and I said he killed his wife. She said that was correct, but then she asked who he was and whom he killed and why. I told her he was the king and he killed his wife because she was fooling around with another guy. She said I gave her a stupid answer and I had better reread my assignment.

All of the students in class started laughing and I was really embarrassed. I don't think teachers should make students feel embarrassed. I used to like English, but now I hate it. - Nameless, London, Ontario.

NAMELESS: Your teacher was rude and very much out of place telling you in front of the class that your answer was stupid. She should have told you that your answer was close, but not entirely correct. The teacher missed a wonderful opportunity to explain that Othello was a noble Moor who was tricked by the villainous Iago into believing that his wife was unfaithful. Overcome with jealousy, he killed his truly faithful wife, Desdemona.

This Shakespearean tragedy is one of his best plays. It's also one of my favorites, and one I came to know well in the years I taught high school English Literature.

ACCEPT MOM'S INVITATION

DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and live with my grandmother, who has been my guardian since the day I was born. My mother was 15 and unmarried when I was brought into this world. I love my grandmother very much. She is a very good person. My problem is that my grandmother and my mother are not on speaking terms and never have been. In fact, I only see my mother once or twice a year.

About a month ago, my mother got married for the first time. She had a lot of live-in boyfriends, but this was her first trip to the altar. My grandmother and I did not attend the ceremony because we were not invited.

Last night my mother called and said she wanted to take me to dinner and to meet my stepfather. She said they are in love and she finally has her life in order and wants me to be a part of this "new life." I asked my grandmother if I should go and she is leaving it up to me. I'd like your opinion, please. - Nameless, Tupelo, Miss.

NAMELESS: I don't think there's anything to be gained by perpetuating your estrangement from your mother. Accept the invitation, meet your new stepfather and gauge Mom's sincerity about her "new life." If there's anything to it, she will apologize profusely and not try to coerce or guilt-trip you into choosing her over your grandmother.

The best that could happen out of this situation would be reconciliation between your mother and grandmother.

HEROIN IS A BAD DEAL

DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend is experimenting with heroin "to see how great a heroin high is." Can't he get hooked on this stuff really fast? - Nameless, Chicago.

NAMELESS: Experimenting with heroin is bad business. It is so powerful and addictive that users have become dependent after using it only once or twice. It would be great if you can convince him to stop his experimentation. If you can't, wish him well - and stay as far away from him as possible because he has chosen heroin over you.

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'TWEEN 12 AND 20

Thursday, June 19

By Dr. Robert Wallace

Copley News Service

Teen's concerned about complexion

DR. WALLACE: I'm 14 and have a clear facial complexion, but I'm terribly worried that I'll get pimples or acne. What can I do to make 100 percent sure I keep my clear complexion? I eat good food and I wash my face at least three times daily with a mild soap. - Amber, Talladega, Ala.

AMBER: Don't become depressed if your complexion causes you a bit of concern. According to Dr. Diane Baker, a dermatologist in Portland, Ore., complexion problems occur in 80 percent of girls and 90 percent of boys during adolescence. It may start earlier and last longer for girls, but boys tend to have cases that are more severe.

Foods like chocolate and greasy fries and burgers do not cause acne, Baker says. Neither does poor hygiene. Acne is caused by hormones that are active during the teen years and cause the oil glands of the skin to enlarge.

At your first sighting of a complexion problem, make an appointment to see a dermatologist. In the past several decades, research has produced products that will improve the complexion and, in many cases, eliminate pimples and acne.

TIME TO BACK OFF AND BE QUIET

DR. WALLACE: My best buddy and I have been friends for over 10 years. We are both 16. About a month ago, he started dating a girl who has a low moral standard. I know this for a fact because my sister knows all about this girl's past history. I told my buddy all about her unsavory past, but he wouldn't listen to me.

Now when I see them together it makes me sick because I know she is not good for him. Should I continue to make him aware that this girl is giving him a bad reputation or should I just let him suffer? - Nameless, Patterson, N.J.

NAMELESS: You did what you thought was in your friend's best interest. Since he didn't take your advice, which is hardly surprising, you should now back off and keep your mouth shut about her.

You could also try being respectful and courteous to her. I'm sure your buddy would appreciate it - and, indeed, the rumors may be wrong. But even if they aren't, it's none of your business. When it comes to love, we all have to make our own mistakes.

FRIEND'S BROTHER IS SCARY AND TROUBLED

DR. WALLACE: Amy is my very best friend. I moved to Oakland, Calif., a year ago and she and I hit it off real well. Both of us are 14. Amy has an older brother, 18, who has an apartment with two of his friends. Sometimes when I visit Amy at her house, her brother is there. When Amy leaves the room, he says bad things to me. I tell him to stop, but he continues.

I don't want to tell Amy about this because I don't want to lose her friendship. What should I do? - Nameless, Oakland, Calif.

NAMELESS: Amy's brother is a scary, troubled guy. If he's in the house when you visit, don't go in. If he arrives after you are in the house, leave immediately.

I think you should tell Amy what her brother says to you when she's not around. If she is the friend you think she is, she'll do what she can to nip this problem in the bud.

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'TWEEN 12 AND 20

Friday, June 20

By Dr. Robert Wallace

Copley News Service

Buckle up and stay out of harm's way

TEENS: Do you buckle up every time you are a driver or a passenger in an automobile? If the answer is no, you are placing yourself in harm's way.

According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, total seat belt use rose to 82 percent in 2007 from 81 percent in 2006, but 68 percent of teen drivers and passengers who were killed in automobile crashes at night were unbuckled. During daylight hours, 57 percent of teen motorists and passengers who were killed were not wearing seat belts.

Teens, be wise and buckle up every time you are in a moving motor vehicle. You are too important to become a motor vehicle death statistic!

STEER CLEAR OF DRINKING DRIVERS

DR. WALLACE: You said that a person should not be a passenger with a driver who had consumed alcohol. I think you believe that everybody who has one beer is drunk and can't be a safe driver.

Are you not aware that all states have a limit on the amount of alcohol that can be consumed to still be a safe driver? - Glen, Sidney, Ohio.

GLEN: When I said never ride with a driver who has consumed alcohol, I meant what I said. Even one beer or glass of wine affects the driver's ability to some degree. It's not worth the risk, even if the risk is slight.

Please read the following letter. I don't know how much alcohol the driver had consumed, but it's obvious that he thought he knew what he was doing.

DR. WALLACE: I never dreamed that I'd be writing to you, but here I am. Last week I went to the funeral of the sweetest, dearest, best friend a girl could ever have. She was riding in a car with her boyfriend, who had been drinking. They were coming home from a party at 1 a.m. when the car went off the road and struck a tree. My friend was killed instantly; her boyfriend survived, though he was severely injured. An alcohol test showed that he had been drinking, but was not legally drunk.

My girlfriend and I had discussed not riding with a driver who had been drinking. We both promised we would never take that risk. It's obvious she didn't keep her promise and she paid the supreme price. She lost her life. The world will suffer because she can't fulfill her dream.

She wanted to become a teacher of mentally handicapped children. Her niece is 4 and suffers brain damage. My friend was an honors student, active in student government, her church and her community. She will be missed by all who knew her and by many who never had the pleasure of seeing her smiling face.

Teens, please, please, don't think this can't happen to you. That's what my best friend must have thought. - Jenny, Seattle, Wash.

JENNY: Thanks for your eloquent, heartbreaking letter. Many teen readers will mourn for your lost friend, and a few will say to themselves: "This could happen to me." Your letter may save some lives.

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'TWEEN 12 AND 20

Saturday, June 21

By Dr. Robert Wallace

Copley News Service

Chances are good your guy will call back

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 16-year-old girl and Carly is my very best friend. She and I made plans to see a certain movie together on a Friday night. During the week, a guy called and invited me out for the same Friday. I was happy he called because I do want to go out with him, but I told him I already had plans for Friday, but I would be happy to go out with him at another time. He said he'd call me again.

My sister said I made a huge mistake. I should have said yes to the date offer and then explained the situation to my friend. She said Carly would have understood. What's your opinion? - Sidney, Orlando, Fla.

SIDNEY: You did the right thing. Chances are very high that you will receive another date offer from this guy. He wants to go out with you and you told him you would be happy to go out with him. Ninety-nine to one, he'll call again!

MOVIE WITH A GUY FRIEND IS OK

DR. WALLACE: I'm a responsible 14-year-old girl. I have many friends, both male and female. One of my guy friends asked me to go to a movie with him. My mom said no. This boy is only a friend and would never do anything he shouldn't. Do you think I should be permitted to go to the movie with a guy friend? My mom knows I'm writing to you and we are both waiting for your answer. - Ashley, Vicksburg, Miss.

ASHLEY: I think you should be allowed to see a movie with a guy friend as long as a parent takes you to and from the movie theater and the movie is acceptable to your mother.

DON'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT DREAMS

DR. WALLACE: I'm 18 and have been dating Richard for over two years. He is a great guy and I love him very, very much. I would be a lost soul without him. We have talked about marriage and I'm positive that after college we will be husband and wife.

My problem is that for the past five months, I have been having dreams about meeting another guy and falling in love with him. In my dreams I actually do love him and I enjoy this dream sequence a lot. I try to forget these dreams, but I can't. Actually, I feel guilty about loving a guy in my dreams.

I've searched my subconscious mind and there is no hidden love lurking around. I love Richard so much that I have no desire whatsoever to think about romance with another guy. Why am I dreaming such odd dreams? - Nameless, Greenville, Miss.

NAMELESS: I'm not a dream expert and can't tell you what your dream "means," if anything, but one thing is perfectly clear: This is no reason for feeling guilty! You've done nothing wrong. The only infidelities that count are the ones that take place in the real world.

The brain is a complex organ with many mysteries still to be plumbed. The dreams it produces may have many purposes, but one of them certainly is to keep us in psychological balance. Somehow you are exploring the ideal of love in your unguarded state of sleep. All this can do is to make you more loving toward Richard.

You're far more likely to get into trouble if you repress your feelings than if you relax about them. Since your dreams are enjoyable, my advice is to enjoy them. You could be having nightmares.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Write to him at Copley News Service, P.O. Box 120190, San Diego, CA 92112 or e-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net.

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