Monday, June 30

High price to be paid for inebriation

DR. WALLACE: Last weekend I went to a high school graduation party and met a guy who really caught my eye. He was so cute, I didn't think I would have the courage to go up and start a conversation with him and I also didn't know if he was with someone else.

But I really wanted to talk with him, and I made the mistake of drinking quite a bit of alcohol so I could get the courage to approach him. I did talk with him, but I'm afraid I said some really dumb things. Before the conversation ended, I gave him my telephone number and asked him to call me.

Several days have gone by and he hasn't called and I don't think he will. I'm afraid I have embarrassed myself and now I don't know what to do. It turns out that the guy is the cousin of one of my friends. He told her that he thought I was cute and probably would have asked me out, but that he doesn't drink and he doesn't date girls who drink.

This really upsets me because I usually don't drink and I am a member of SADD (Students Against Driving Drunk). I was not driving to or from the party and the only reason I drank was to gain courage to talk to this boy.

Now I feel really stupid and don't know what I can do to get this guy to show an interest in me. Can you help me? I also found out that he does not have a regular girlfriend as he has recently moved into our community. Please answer my letter. - Nameless, Columbus, Ohio.

NAMELESS: There's always a high price to pay when you look for courage in a bottle - now you know. Embarrassment is the least of it. Fortunately, I don't think the damage you did is irreparable.

Here's my suggestion: Get the guy's address from your girlfriend. Clip out this column and mail it to him, along with a note of apology. Since he liked you in spite of your inebriated condition, you may very well hear back from him.

Consider this unfortunate drinking experience a real learning experience. Don't drink again!

VIOLATION AND PUNISHMENT BOTH SEVERE

DR. WALLACE: I'm grounded the entire summer vacation because I went to a friend's high school graduation party. I had told my parents that his parents would be chaperones and no booze would be served, but when I got there I discovered that his parents were on vacation in Europe and kids were drinking alcohol.

I should have left, but I stayed. About 10 p.m. the party got rather loud and neighbors called the police. After their arrival, things really got out of control. The party was shut down after a policeman was hit in the face with a beer bottle. I admit I should have vacated the premises once I found out there were no adult chaperones, but to be grounded the entire summer seems too much. Do you agree? - Beth, Springfield, Ohio.

BETH: Your punishment is severe, but so was your violation. Instead of moaning about your severe punishment, tell your parents how sorry you are for breaking the trust they had in you and assure them it won't happen again. They just might accept your apology and reduce your sentence a bit.

© Copley News Service

Visit Copley News Service at www.copleynews.com.

'TWEEN 12 AND 20

Tuesday, July 1

By Dr. Robert Wallace

Copley News Service

Girls shouldn't have to prove their love

DR. WALLACE: I wasn't sure I wanted to write this letter, but after giving it much thought I knew that I had to share my story with your teen audience so they will not make a similar mistake. I am not a child; I'm a young woman, 19, and should have known better.

I met Chad at a party and he seemed like a super guy. We exchanged telephone numbers and soon we were dating casually. Well, it didn't take long before I fell in love with him. He was everything I wanted in a guy - good looks, intelligence, a sense of humor and money.

I was not a virgin, but I'm also not one who has sex with every bozo who comes along. So when Chad tried to get aggressive, I told him no. After that little word "no," Chad stopped calling.

Since I was in love, I couldn't take it, so I called him and asked him why he was avoiding me. He said he wasn't avoiding me, it was simply that he felt I didn't love him. He said he was a virgin and I was the first girl he wanted to have sex with. In other words, he had found his true love. I fell for this multi-used, stupid line.

For the next three months we were lovers, but only if and when he wanted to see me. Then one night he talked about getting engaged - but the girl wasn't me. You see, he had only been using me and, because I was so in love, I couldn't see it. All the time he was using me, he was engaged to another girl! They are now married.

Girls, what I'm saying is this: I realize that love hurts, but beware of the guy who says, "Prove your love." If the guy really loved you, you wouldn't have to prove anything.

I thank the good Lord every night that I didn't get pregnant by this everything-I-ever-wanted guy! - Lenore, McAllen, Texas.

LENORE: I'm sorry you got tangled up with such a deceitful, two-timing jerk, but it sounds like you're well on your way to recovery, and are learning the right lessons from your bad experience. Thanks for putting yourself on the line and sharing your experience with other teens.

PILL IS BETTER THAN UNWED PREGNANCY

DR. WALLACE: I'm 18 and sexually active with my boyfriend and have been for over a year. About four months ago, I considered myself lucky that I hadn't become pregnant so I went to a free clinic and picked up some birth control pills.

Well, it so happens that my mother found them in my room and went into a rage. I asked her what was better, for me to be on the pill or to be pregnant? She called me names and told me that I was sick and that she was disappointed in me.

Since my dear old mom didn't answer my question, have you got the guts to answer it? - Nameless, Alliance, Ohio.

NAMELESS: It doesn't take guts to answer your question. It would be better for you to be on the pill than to be unwed and pregnant.

But it would be better still if you waited until marriage before launching into an active sex life. I'm sorry you and your mom aren't in better communication with one another. Her calling you names doesn't help matters. What you need from her is guidance, not rage.

© Copley News Service

Visit Copley News Service at www.copleynews.com.

'TWEEN 12 AND 20

Wednesday, July 2

By Dr. Robert Wallace

Copley News Service

Top tips to quit smoking

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and have been smoking a pack of cigarettes a day for the past three years. I want to quit for three reasons. First, I'm concerned about smoking and my health; next, I don't like the fact that my apartment, my car and my clothes smell like a chimney; and finally, the price of a pack of cigarettes has gone out of sight.

I would like to quit cold turkey because I'm not into nicotine gum or patches. I realize that it will be a difficult task, but I think I can pull it off. I'd appreciate any tips you can give me. I'll write to you in a month to let you know that I've reached my goal. - Jeremy, Brookhaven, Miss.

JEREMY: I contacted the American Cancer Society and asked for the best way to stop smoking cold turkey. This is their reply:

- Start by getting rid of temptation. Throw out all cigarettes, first breaking them in half and wetting them down. Clean out ashtrays and discard all matches and lighters.

- Exercise to relieve tension.

- When the urge to smoke hits, take a deep breath, hold it for 10 seconds and release slowly.

- Eat three well-balanced meals a day. This will aid you in maintaining a constant blood sugar level, which helps prevent urges to smoke. Avoid spicy and sugary foods that may trigger a desire to smoke.

- Cleanse your body of nicotine by drinking lots of liquids, but pass up caffeinated drinks and alcohol.

- The first two weeks are the most difficult. That's when the nicotine craving acts as though it has a life of its own, pulling out all the stops to stay in control of your life.

You can consider yourself an ex-smoker when you've been tobacco-free for six weeks. Do write to me in a month and let me know how you're doing. I'm positive you will reach your goal. Chances are good that your lungs will return to a healthy pink color in about six months. This is a wonderful reward for eliminating tobacco from your life.

ANOREXIA CAN BE DEADLY

DR. WALLACE: I have a sister-in-law who has the eating disorder anorexia nervosa. This girl is married to my brother and is now having treatment from a doctor specializing in eating disorders. Our family is praying that she will once again become the happy, healthy young lady who joined our family a year ago.

We are aware that some anorexia victims actually starve themselves to death. This is scary. My sister-in-law is 20 and has been eating "like a bird" for over six months. What percent of anorexia victims actually die from this disorder, and is this a teenage problem or can anyone get it? How long does it last? - Carley, Waco, Texas.

CARLEY: It's good that your sister-in-law is receiving professional help. Anorexia nervosa is a serious illness; it can be overcome, but usually only with professional assistance. The condition is likely to last at least a year, and for some people it persists for as long as 15 years.

Six percent of those with a serious case of anorexia die from it, according to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders. And 86 percent of those suffering from this disorder became afflicted while in their teens.

© Copley News Service

Visit Copley News Service at www.copleynews.com.

'TWEEN 12 AND 20

Thursday, July 3

By Dr. Robert Wallace

Copley News Service

Condoms offer more protection than the pill

DR. WALLACE: What offers the better protection from an unwanted pregnancy, condoms or the pill? I'm not sexually active, but I don't think I'll be a virgin forever. - Nameless, Brunswick, Ga.

NAMELESS: Improvements in condoms and birth control pills are making both more effective in preventing unwanted pregnancies. The latest figures I have show condoms to be 98 percent effective, while the pill is effective 97 percent of the time. But the pill offers no protection against sexually transmitted diseases such as gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, chlamydia, cytomegalovirus, venereal warts and HIV/AIDS. Condoms are also 98 percent effective in preventing these diseases.

If you're only going to use one of these methods of birth control, go with condoms.

But I would be remiss if I didn't remind you that abstinence is 100 percent effective in all areas.

ACNE SCARS CAN BE TREATED

DR. WALLACE: In my early and middle teen years, I had a very serious case of acne. I am now 20 and my acne is history, but I'm left with a face full of deep scars. I am very self-conscious about my appearance. Because of this, I've never had the courage to ask a girl to go out with me.

Is there any hope that my complexion can be improved or am I doomed to be known as "Scarface" forever? - Curtis, Columbia, S.C.

CURTIS: Acne scars can be treated in several different ways, including: dermabrasion, chemical peeling or the fibrin foam method.

With dermabrasion, the skin is lightly sanded by a machine.

With chemical peeling, different chemicals are used to peel away upper skin layers which include the scars.

In the fibrin foam method, blood is drawn from the arm and fibrin (blood protein) is extracted. The fibrin is then injected beneath the acne scar, separating the squeezed layers and filling the scar depression.

You must remember that none of the processes can give you a total cure, but a 50 percent to 70 percent improvement can be expected. It is imperative that you make an appointment with a dermatologist who will explain all of the treatments in full detail.

And remember, the scars are nothing compared to the depth of your character. There are plenty of girls who would love to go out with you.

THERE'S STILL TIME TO GROW

DR. WALLACE: I'm 15 and so far I haven't been on a date. I'm bright and I've been told that I'm cute. I'm positive the only reason I'm dateless is that I'm too short. I'm only 4-foot-11 in my bare feet. My mother is only 5-foot-1 and my dad is 5-foot-3, so I guess I'll never be a fashion model - ha, ha. Is there any chance that I can still grow? - Lora, Pottstown, Pa.

LORA: You have three more years of growth and my guess is that your final height will be somewhere between your mother's and father's. Height is largely a matter of heredity. And please, Nikki, be patient with yourself about dating. Just stay active and involved with life. The guys will come around. Your mother wouldn't have met the height requirement to be a fashion model either, but she did just fine - just ask dad.

© Copley News Service

Visit Copley News Service at www.copleynews.com.

'TWEEN 12 AND 20

Friday, July 4

By Dr. Robert Wallace

Copley News Service

Moving out is the best decision

DR. WALLACE: I'll present my problem as simply as possible. I'm 15 and live with my mother and stepfather. My parents were divorced three years ago and my mom remarried a year ago. My father has also remarried and he lives in High Point, N.C.

My stepfather and I don't see eye to eye on anything. He is also very rude and has a horrible temper. I despise him and have wished that he would die, even though I realize this is a terrible thing to admit. Every moment I'm around him is pure torture. I warned my mom that this guy might have a severe mental problem, but she wouldn't listen to me. The only good thing that has happened to me since this guy moved into our house is that I've lost 10 pounds because my nerves are shattered.

I've talked to my father about all this and he wants me to move in with him. I've talked with his wife and she encouraged me to make the move. My mother also thinks it might be better for me to live with my father.

The only problem is that I'll be in the 10th grade in September and enjoy my teachers and school friends. What should I do? - Nameless, Ft. Walton Beach, Fla.

NAMELESS: You have a tough choice to make. Leaving the known world of your friends and favorite teachers to start over in another state is a big leap, but you should do it. I offer this advice only after reading your letter several times and sleeping on my answer overnight. Sometimes moving out is the course of least trauma.

If you stay with your mom, your relationship with your stepfather will probably only deteriorate. Since everyone is amenable to you making the move, doing so would stabilize your home life. And if you move now, you'll have enough time left in your high school career to bond with your new school and classmates.

Just be sure to remain in close touch with your mother. She's sure to miss you.

DANGERS LURK IN EVERY HOME

DR. WALLACE: Last week my grandmother tripped on a rug in her house and broke her hip. It was ironic because I had been preparing a research paper for an English assignment on home safety. I finished the paper and got an A. My teacher suggested that I send the data to you so you could share it with your readers. She said it would be a waste not to let as many people as possible know the facts on the dangers that can lurk in the average home.

The National Safety Council reports that more than 20,500 people died from accidents while at home last year, with falls contributing to the deaths of about 6,100.

To help prevent falls, never have throw rugs at the top or bottom of stairs; use a stepladder to reach high shelves; and put nonskid mats or decals on the bottom of your bathtub or shower. Also, always put night lights in bedrooms, halls and bathrooms.

Burns and fires were the second most common cause of fatal accidents, killing more than 4,000 people.

To help prevent fires, equip your home with smoke detectors and a kitchen fire extinguisher. Practice a fire escape route, and teach family members to "stop, drop, and roll" if their clothes catch on fire. Also, never, never, never smoke in bed. - Margo, Las Vegas.

MARGO: Thanks for your useful information. I immediately checked our smoke detectors to see if they were functioning properly - they were! Our family is sleeping better knowing that the smoke detectors are in good order.

© Copley News Service

Visit Copley News Service at www.copleynews.com.

'TWEEN 12 AND 20

Saturday, July 5

By Dr. Robert Wallace

Copley News Service

Healthy diet would make girl happier

DR. WALLACE: I'm writing in response to the letter about a 13-year-old boy who weighed 225 pounds and hit his little sister because she got mad at him and called him a fat hog. You gave him a terrible response. You called him a bully and told him he should go on a diet and lose weight.

I'm a 14-year-old girl who happens to weigh over 200 pounds (I like being big and strong), and if my 11-year-old sissy brother ever called me a fat hog, I'd rearrange his face so bad our own mother wouldn't know him. What do you have to say about that? - Shawna, Miami.

SHAWNA: I would say that, if your little brother called you a fat hog, he'd be a sassy little brat who should be punished by a parent, and if you inflicted physical injury on him for doing so, you'd be a bully who hid her dislike for herself behind a facade of toughness.

You'd be a lot happier if you went on a healthy diet and lost weight.

CANNED AND FROZEN ITEMS ARE NUTRITIOUS

DR. WALLACE: Our family is doing our best to eat right. We eat a lot of fruits and vegetables daily and have cut down drastically on high-fat baked goods and high-fat meats. Even the milk we drink is reduced fat. Fried foods are a 100 percent no-no.

My mother insists that all of our fruits and vegetables be fresh. My home economics teacher said that canned and frozen fruits and vegetables are just as nutritious as fresh. My mom says that our home economics teacher is wrong and that she is going to school to complain to our principal.

I'm checking with you so you can save mom an embarrassing trip to school in case she might be wrong. Many times she gets herself into trouble by opening her mouth when she should keep it closed. - Nameless, Phoenix.

NAMELESS: You can tell mom the teacher's right, according to the American Cancer Society. The organization says canned and frozen fruits and vegetables can be just as nutritious as fresh ones. However, when buying canned fruits, be sure to purchase those packed in their own juice, and the canned vegetables should be salt-free.

The American Cancer Society recommends eating at least five servings of fruits and vegetables a day. In general, those with the most color - green, red, yellow, orange - have the most nutrients.

SUMMER SCHOOL IS BENEFICIAL

DR. WALLACE: This summer I had plans to loaf around and do a lot of nothing. I was planning a very relaxing vacation. Now my parents are demanding that I attend summer school, "to broaden my education."

Even though I'm an honor student, my parents want me to take French although I am proficient in Spanish. I believe teens need the summer away from books so they can return to the classroom refreshed and ready to learn in September. Do you agree? - Alexi, Ontario, Calif.

ALEXI: No, I don't. You can attend summer school and still have a full month off to loaf and do nothing. Most teens attend summer school to take a few "fun" courses that they couldn't fit into their regular schedule.

Students in the United States attend school 180 days a year, fewer days than most other industrialized nations require. Those teens who attend summer school have an advantage over those who don't.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Write to him at Copley News Service, P.O. Box 120190, San Diego, CA 92112 or e-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net.

© Copley News Service

Visit Copley News Service at www.copleynews.com.