DR. WALLACE: Steve and I met at a church social; we have been seeing each other for about four months. Steve is a wonderful guy. He gets good grades, has a part-time job and is not involved in drugs or alcohol. We are both 17 and have a lot in common. We enjoy participating in sports, listening to music, dancing, eating pizza, collecting baseball cards and attending the same church.

My parents thought he was wonderful — until last week, when he told my parents that his parents were alcoholics and his brother has been busted for selling drugs. Now my parents want me to stop going out with Steve. They feel his dysfunctional family has given Steve emotional scars, and he could wind up like his brother and parents.

I don't think it's possible. You wouldn't either if you knew Steve. How can I convince my parents that they're not thinking clearly about him? — Erin, Teaneck, N.J.

ERIN: Your parents mean well and are trying to be protective, but I agree with you — they aren't thinking clearly. They panicked about Steve's family and condemned him for the failings of others, which is both unfair and inaccurate.

As a former high school administrator, I can attest that model teen citizens are not limited to "good" families. Young people with extraordinary character often emerge from difficult family situations. Just because they have siblings who get in trouble with the law doesn't mean they will do the same.

The better your parents get to know Steve, the more accurately they will be able to evaluate his character. Plan some activities to make this possible, such as dinner for four at a nice restaurant or going to church together.

TEEN CAN DATE ON ONE SCHOOL NIGHT A WEEK

DR. WALLACE: My dad is my problem. I love him dearly and I know he loves me, but whenever we get into a disagreement he always says, "If you don't like it around here, then leave."

Let me explain. I am 17 and have a part-time job. I work in a restaurant on Friday nights from 6 p.m. to 11 p.m., on Saturdays from 3 p.m. until 11 p.m. and on Sundays from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. I work because I enjoy it, and I'm saving my money so I can help pay my way through the university.

Because of my schedule, I never have time for a social life. I do have a boyfriend, but I rarely see him. All I am asking for is one night a week to be able to go out for a pizza and a root beer with him. I'd even accept Sunday evenings, and most times I'd be home by 10:30 p.m. If we went to a movie, I'd be home an hour later.

Dr. Wallace, I'm not bragging, but I'm an honor student and I'm what you would call a "goody-goody" — no drinking, drugs, sex or smoking.

Dad will allow Rick to come over to the house, but he will not let me date on a school night. I'm not asking for a solution. All I want is for you to say that seeing Rick once a week alone on a school night is reasonable. I'll use it as another way to get dad to see it my way. — Nameless, Lake Charles, La.

NAMELESS: Your request is more than reasonable. Your parents should be proud of such an ambitious, intelligent teenager. But if they refuse to allow you one school-night date, accept their decision and cut back on your weekend work schedule.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

It is Probably More Harmful to Keep Anger Inside

DR. WALLACE: When angry, is it better to hold it inside or to "explode?" I do one of these, but I'm not going to tell you which one. — Nameless, Hammond, La.

NAMELESS: Many mental health professionals feel that suppressing your anger may be more harmful than expressing it, since you risk developing such stress-related problems as headaches, rashes, indigestion and insomnia.

Psychologist Zelda Segal states that although anger is one of the basic human emotions, many teens find it so unpleasant that they feel they must keep it inside them.

Psychiatrist Theodore Rubin, author of "The Angry Book," agrees with Segal: "People who are holding their anger inside tend to act sullen, and that leads to a breakdown in communication."

Segal, who has worked with young people in schools, suggests that angry feelings should not be hidden. She says that learning to deal effectively with rage can improve not only the quality of your relationships, but also your physical and mental well-being.

Repressed anger, says Segal, can often be misdirected toward innocent bystanders. One teen interviewed admitted that she found herself constantly picking fights with her mother. She slowly became aware that she had been using her mother as a convenient target for the anger she was feeling toward her best friend, who had been making a strong play for the guy they both liked. She finally brought herself to level with her friend, and they discussed their conflict honestly. Both felt a sense of relief and the teen's home life improved.

Although there is nothing to be gained by denying our natural and honest feelings, expressing anger is not always easy. The following guidelines should help you handle your rage more effectively, strengthen your relationships and protect your well-being:

— Don't be fearful that your anger will drive others away. Friendships cannot endure if each party tiptoes around the other, afraid to be honest.

— When expressing rage, seek to improve a situation, not to gain revenge. Venting angry feelings is healthy, but name-calling or insults will only aggravate the problem.

— If you can't approach the person who has upset you, you can use other means of release: talking with a friend, taking a long walk, playing a sport or even having a good cry in private. Crying is a natural response to feeling hurt; it can provide a much-needed release for frustrations and help defuse the angry feelings that may destroy a relationship.

— Don't panic if, at times, your feelings seem stronger than the situation warrants. A particular incident may rub a hidden sore spot or be the last straw after an aggravating day. When that happens, simply follow up with an honest acknowledgment to the person involved and go on from there.

— Seek help if you need it. If your pent-up anger is interfering with your daily life, it is time to consult with someone whose advice you trust. You can begin with a parent, a school counselor, your family doctor or a close confidant. If need be, contact a therapist. Talking things over with an objective listener can often clear the way for constructive action. At the very least, it provides relief.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Teens Can Easily Obtain Alcohol, Leading to More Auto Accidents and Deaths

DR. WALLACE: Last week I went to my best friend's funeral. She and her boyfriend were celebrating his 18th birthday. During the celebration, her boyfriend had more than his share of alcohol. Returning home from a nearby town, both were killed instantly when the car ran off the road and struck a tree. The cause of the crash was directly tied to alcohol and excessive speed.

Since our laws say that the age to consume alcohol is 21 and above, how is it that teens can get all the alcohol they want? And I'm lost for words why teens feel the need to drink. I grieve for a dear friend because a young driver of an automobile felt it was necessary to consume alcohol so he might feel like an adult. When will this teenage desire to consume alcohol end, or will it never stop? — Nameless, Portland, Maine.

NAMELESS: The sad fact is that alcohol is readily available for those teens who choose to use it for many different reasons, ranging from "feeling adult" to escaping the pressures of life.

Drinking is not adult and only compounds the daily pressures; however, try telling that to a 17-year-old who just flunked a big test, or whose parents announced they were getting a divorce.

It's difficult to teach that alcohol is harmful and not acceptable when as a society we sell the beverage by the barrel. How many teens think it's OK to drink because they observe their parents consuming alcohol in the home? They believe that if mom and dad drink, it must be OK.

Statistics provided by the National Council on Alcoholism show that 93 percent of all high-school seniors have tried alcohol. Sixty-six percent say they drink once a month, while 5 percent admit to being daily drinkers. Over one-half of high school seniors who drink started before ninth grade.

Although drivers under 21 make up only 10 percent of the motoring population, youthful drivers account for more than 25 percent of alcohol-related highway fatalities. Alcohol-related traffic accidents are the No. 1 killer of those aged 15 to 24.

We can never "toss in the towel" and say teenage drinking wins. Abstaining from alcohol is a way of life and this philosophy must be nourished in the home by wise, loving parents. And these young people also need the support of their school, church and the entire community if they are to survive and succeed.

Our teens are the future, and every one of them is important for a better world.

REMOVE BIRTHMARK IF IT IS AN ISSUE

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and have a "strawberry" birthmark on my left cheek about the size of a quarter. It has bothered me all of my life; I want it removed. My insurance at work will pay part of the expense, and I'll pay the rest.

My parents and grandparents think that I'm making a huge mistake and just wasting my money. I'm going to have it done regardless of what you say, but I'd still like your opinion. — Nameless, Columbus, Ind.

NAMELESS: I'm with you 100 percent. There is no need to be bothered by a birthmark that can be eliminated easily, safely and relatively inexpensively. I can think of no reason why you shouldn't have it removed.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 18, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Shouldn't Have to Get up Early to Make Coffee — Buy an Automatic One

DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and lead a very busy life. I attend high school from 8 a.m. until 2:30 p.m., and do homework until about 5 p.m. every school day. On Mondays and Wednesdays, I go a college class from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. I practice for a musical on other days, and I also have a part-time job on the weekends.

As you can see, I have little time for myself. My problem is that my mother makes me get up 15 minutes early every day to make her a pot of coffee. I wouldn't mind it, but she doesn't have a job — she is a housewife who spends three hours a day watching soap operas — and has more free time than I do.

When I try to tell my mother this, she tells me to keep quiet and do as I am told. Do you think I have a legitimate complaint? — Carla, Fullerton, Calif.

CARLA: I'm with you; I feel mother's demand is outlandish. There are several automatic coffee makers on the market that are equipped with an automatic timer that starts the coffee brewing at a selected time. All you need to do is set the rig up before you retire, and then put the timer for the time your mom wants her coffee in the morning.

It would be worth it to see that your house gets one! This way, mother gets her morning fix and you obtain your beauty rest.

WIFE-TO-BE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND FIANCE'S DIET

DR. WALLACE: I'm going to be married soon, and everything is perfect except for one small issue — the food my husband-to-be eats. He is a health nut and only eats organic, natural or health foods.

I don't mind feeding him this "rabbit food," but I don't know the ingredients if told to bake a loaf of wheat germ bread or a soybean "meat loaf." — Victoria, La Habra, Calif.

VICTORIA: Thanks for the offer, but I really would prefer 12-grain wheat bread and baked salmon.

To answer your question: Organic means that the food has been grown without pesticides or artificial fertilizers and has not been treated with hormones or preservatives.

Natural foods contain no preservatives or artificial ingredients. Health foods are dietetic or vegetarian products, which may be free from chemical additions.

Organic foods are abundant in most grocery stores. Although they are more expensive, they are worth the higher prices.

SPEND LESS TIME IN THE SUN TO REDUCE FRECKLES

DR. WALLACE: I have an abundance of freckles on my face and arms, and I despise them. What causes them? How can I get rid of them? — Chloe, Brunswick, Ga.

CHLOE: There is nothing you can do to get rid of freckles, which serve as a part of your skin's protection against the sun.

But by staying out of the sun, you can keep them to a minimum. Freckles are caused by an uneven distribution and production of something called melanin — a substance that gives skin its color.

Some girls consider freckles to be beauty marks. Many guys, including me, agree.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Parents need to be Aware of the Deadly "Choking Game"

DR. WALLACE: Last week our family attended a family reunion in Baltimore. One of my cousins told me about a "choking game" that he and his close friends played together. He said it gave all of them a huge "rush." He said that they use a leather rope to choke each other. When they stop, a great rush occurs.

At first I thought he was joking, but another cousin said it was true. Couldn't this be a dangerous game? Is this just a game played in Maryland or does it occur in other areas? How is it played? — Brad, Cumberland, Md.

BRAD: The "choking game" has been around for about a dozen years and in that time span, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, at least 82 young people have died.

In the game, teens use mainly leashes or cords to temporarily stop the flow of blood to their heads. When the neck pressure is released, a dreamy feeling is the result when the blood rushes back to the brain. Studies show that the game is played in groups, but nearly all of the deaths were teens that played alone.

The CDC said the 82 deaths were spread across 31 states with nearly 90 percent being boys with an average age of 13. Dr. Tom Andrews, New Hampshire's chief medical examiner, said that variations of the "choking game" have been around for several decades, but that the trend of doing it alone seemed recent.

Just calling this potentially lethal game the "choking game," clearly indicates that it is indeed dangerous and should never be played. CDC officials urge parents to recognize this fad exists — be alert for possible warning signs, such as bloodshot eyes, marks on the neck, frequent and severe headaches or disorientation after being alone. Ropes, scarves or belts tied to bedroom furniture, doorknobs or knotted on the floor are further warning signs.

PREMARITAL SEX HAS SEVERAL CONSEQUENCES

TEENS: Every year, according to the American Social Health Association, over 3 million U.S. teens are infected with a sexually transmitted disease — a shocking 25 percent of all the STD victims in the country.

I mention this sobering and startling fact just to remind young people that they are vulnerable, and becoming sexually active can have devastating consequences. Girls are more susceptible to STD infections than boys, but less likely to notice symptoms because of their anatomy. The consequences for girls are also more severe, including infertility, cervical cancer and birth defects in their newborn children.

Unwanted pregnancies and the likelihood of post-encounter depression are two more arguments for abstinence. Using a condom will reduce the chances of the former, but not the latter.

The good news is that most teens are not sexually active. According to a University of Michigan study, 58 percent of teens, age 17 and younger, are still virgins. The figure is up 2 percent from a 2005 study. That's a good sign; I can only hope it's a trend.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Boyfriends May Alter Friendships But Shouldn't End Them

DR. WALLACE: Erin and I have been best friends for a long time. I can't imagine how dull my life would have been if she weren't my friend. When I was depressed, she cheered me up. When she was confused, I helped straighten her out.

Three weeks ago, we went to a holiday party at a mutual friend's house. Two guys were there from a rival high school. We had never seen them before —one of them was hitting on me and the other was hitting on Erin. Before the party ended, the first guy asked if he could call me and maybe go out on a date. I was polite, but told him no. The other guy asked for Erin's phone number, and she gave it to him.

Not only that, she has gone out with him a half-dozen times. During this period, she has virtually abandoned me. The only time I can talk with her is before school, since she gets out an hour early. We also have different lunch breaks. When I call her in the evenings, she says we can't talk long because "Jeff might call." When we do talk, it's "Jeff this" and "Jeff that."

All this makes me sick to my stomach; it's like Erin is a different person. What can I do to convince Erin that I'm still her best friend and she should be spending time with me? — Nameless, Portland, Maine.

NAMELESS: Erin did not abandon you and she still is your best friend. It's just that sometimes romance puts a temporary crimp in friendships — it's new, exciting and tends to dominate a person's social calendar.

Don't be angry with Erin. Listen when she talks about Jeff and offer advice when she asks. The time will come when you say: "Yes" instead of "No, thanks" to go out with a boy. That won't end your friendship with Erin, but it might alter it. Friendships last when they are flexible and allow for the participants' inevitable lifestyle changes.

Instead of feeling abandoned, join more school activities and seek the company of other students who might also become friends.

JOIN CLUBS AND ACTIVITIES TO MEET MORE FRIENDS

DR. WALLACE: I'm 14 and not very popular because I'm shy. Bessie is my only friend, but she only talks to me when she no one else is around. When we're together, she always tells me how great her other friends are and how I am a loser.

I'd like to tell her to get lost, but she is my only friend. Sometimes I think I'd be better off if I didn't have any friends. What should I do? — Martha, Springfield, Mass.

MARTHA: Bessie is not a friend, and you're definitely better off without her putting you down. But that doesn't mean that you have to be friendless.

The new school year is just starting. New beginnings are always ripe with opportunity! Vow to jump into programs this year. Your school has a wide range of extracurricular activities available: clubs, intramural athletics, dances, football and basketball games, student government, the school newspaper or yearbook. This is the year for you to begin exploring your interests; give your latent talents a chance to bloom. Becoming involved in school activities will give you many opportunities to meet classmates with common interests. Some of them are bound to become friends — and believe me, you'll be so busy you won't give the slightest thought to Bessie and her negativity.

Good luck! And please write to me in a few weeks to let me know what activities you joined.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.