DR. WALLACE: I have been reading your column since I was 13. I am now 23 and the mother of two daughters, ages 3 and 1. I always respected your support of the teens that wrote to you. Now I hope you will respond to a parent.

I wish to raise my children to be good citizens who are able to resist temptation to avoid unacceptable behavior, including drug and alcohol use. Please tell me what you would consider the three most important things parents can do for their children. My husband and I want to raise children who are God-fearing, country-loving model citizens that will respect every living creature. — Mom, Mesa, Ariz.

MOM: Your question is so important that I couldn't stop at three. Here are five ways that mothers and fathers can be effective parents:

1. Lead by example. Children are very observant. The lives you and your husband lead will influence your children far more than any advice or instruction you give them — especially if your behavior contradicts it.

2. Be good listeners. Most of us talk too much and listen too little. Be extremely attentive to what your children are saying, and be ready to pay attention when they're willing to talk.

3. Hug your children daily; tell them that you love them.

4. Provide them with spiritual guidance.

5. Make raising children your life's highest priority.

WEAR SEAT BELTS TO REDUCE CHANGES OF INJURIES

DR. WALLACE: In our town, a driver can be given a ticket if a passenger is not wearing a seat belt. I don't like being strapped into anything, and I disagree with our city government telling us to buckle-up or else. I'd rather take my chances in an accident unbuckled. — Kyle, Knoxville, Tenn.

KYLE: You might feel uncomfortable riding in an automobile while wearing a seat belt, but riders should be buckled every time if they value life and health. Riding around unbelted is unwise. Accidents happen without warning, and people who are wearing seat belts have a much better chance to escape serious injury and death. Here's why:

In a 30-mph collision with a solid object, an unbelted driver or passenger slams into the windshield, the instrument panel or the steering wheel and column at more than 100 times the force of gravity. The unbelted occupant of the 30-mph crash hits the windshield or other interior surface with the same impact as a fall from a three-story building. The impact of a mere 20-mph crash is roughly equivalent to catching a 200-pound weight dropped from 7 feet. Ouch!

An unbelted rider holding a child on his or her lap in a 30-mph crash is thrown forward with the force of 1.5 tons. The child could be crushed to death.

Safety belts help vehicle occupants "ride down" the force of the crash (the first collision) by holding them in place and preventing contact with either the interior of the vehicle or other occupants (the second collision).

I really appreciate that you took time to write to me. Please take my advice. Buckle up every time you are in a motor vehicle. You might never be involved in an accident; however, if you are, you will be thankful that you were buckled up!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Needs to Tell Parents about Drugs in Brother's Clothes

DR. WALLACE: I'm 14. I live with a 16-year-old brother and my disabled mother who is confined to a wheelchair. Our parents have been divorced for over three years. Our father has remarried, but he stays in contact and helps us financially.

My brother is a good kid, but lately he has been hanging around with a group of guys who are known at school as druggies. I've talked to him, but he said he has never been pressured to do drugs.

Last night when I was doing the family laundry, I found several marijuana cigarettes and three white pills. When I asked my brother about this, he responded that he was holding the marijuana and the pills for a friend who is on probation for selling marijuana. He begged me not to tell our mother or father because he doesn't want to alarm them.

I told him I'd think about it and would write to you to help me make my decision. He didn't like that answer and swore at me. Now I leave my decision up to you. — Nameless, McAllen, Texas.

NAMELESS: Your brother may or may not be using pot or "pills," but even if he's only holding them for someone else, he's into the game too deeply with his druggie friends. If he's not doing drugs now, it's only a matter of time.

Mom and Dad should both be told immediately that you found drugs in your brother's clothing. He needs parental guidance now. If they wait until his drug use and, in all likelihood, other behavior problems have become obvious, straightening him out will be a lot more difficult. Tell them now and nip this problem in the bud.

BOYFRIEND WON'T ADMIT TO DRINKING PROBLEM

DR. WALLACE: My 21-year-old boyfriend has what I would call a drinking problem. He admits he drinks often, but says he never gets drunk, which is true. He also says he isn't addicted to alcohol and can quit drinking at anytime. When I encourage him to stop, he responds that he will stop when he's ready. He rarely drinks the hard stuff, but he sure enjoys his beer.

I don't mind if he has a couple of beers while watching a football game on the weekend, but I do object to drinking a six-pack in his apartment after we've gone out for dinner. He also has been putting on a lot of extra pounds lately; he sports a noticeable beer belly.

Are there any clear-cut danger signs in his behavior, which indicate alcoholism? — Chelsea, Birmingham, Ala.

CHELSEA: If he habitually puts away a six-pack after he has dinner with you, then he has a problem. Indeed, one indication of a drinking issue is a person's refusal to curtail his intake, even though loved ones have started to suffer from it.

Almost every hard drinker says he or she can stop whenever he or she wants to, but "whenever" never arrives. It sounds to me like it's time to give your boyfriend an ultimatum: If "whenever" doesn't arrive immediately, the relationship is over, never to return.

SPARKLING WATER WORKS AS SUBSTITUTE FOR CHAMPAGNE

DR. WALLACE: My mother and her second husband-to-be are both recovering alcoholics. I'm going to be the best man at their wedding and will toast the couple. There will be no alcohol at the wedding; I won't be toasting with champagne. Would water be an acceptable substitute? — Keith, St. Catharines, Ontario.

KEITH: Water would be an excellent substitute, but make it sparkling water.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Doesn't Have to Explain Relationship to Friends

DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and dating a girl who has, shall we say, a shady reputation. I knew about her reputation before I started dating her. On our first date, she said she had a rocky past, but has changed and didn't want to discuss her past — ever. I'm positive she has changed; she acts like the perfect lady when she is with me.

My problem is that some of my guy friends have taken her out and are giving me a bad time about dating her. They think the only reason I'm dating her is for sex, which isn't true. The real reason is that I find her attractive and intelligent, and I've grown to care for her very much.

I think I can do one of three things to satisfy my friends who keep asking me, "Why are you dating this girl?" or "I know why you are dating her!" I can't continue to keep silent. First, I may tell them that I really care for her. Second, I can tell them we're sexually active and I'll drop her after awhile. Third, I may say I'm seeing her so she'll help me with my homework. In all honesty, this girl really could help me get better grades.

What is your advice? —Nameless, Merrillville, Ind.

NAMELESS: You may be overreacting to the comments of your so-called friends. You don't need to say anything at all. As time passes, they will see that you really do care for this girl and their crass remarks will cease.

AVOID TRYING TO SEEK REVENGE ON CHEATING DATE

DR. WALLACE: I met a handsome and nice guy at a party. We really hit it off; we had a lot in common so I said yes when he asked me out. We went to a movie, but he acted really weird. After the movie, he took me home — no snack. I felt like he was hiding something or was embarrassed to be seen with me.

The next day I did a little research and discovered that he has a steady girlfriend. Now I'm really upset. I feel like calling his girlfriend and asking her why she can't keep her boyfriend from running around on her, and then calling the guy and saying that I just spilled the beans about his behavior.

My girlfriend told me not to because I'd just be wasting my time. That might be true, but it would make me feel a lot better. — Nameless, Chehalis, Wash.

NAMELESS: Take your friend's advice. The guy's girlfriend did nothing to you; therefore, bringing her into the situation is not cool. Just erase this guy from your mind. Making a "poison" phone call won't make you feel better — it will only prolong the agony.

TEEN SHOULD STAY OUT OF FIGHT BETWEEN SISTER AND FRIEND

DR. WALLACE: This is a minor problem, but I don't know how to solve it. Recently my best friend and my sister (who also was her friend) had a major falling out, and I'm the one caught in the middle.

The problem is my sister, not my friend. If I happen to call my friend from our house, my sister goes into a tizzy saying bad things about her in order for my friend to hear. My friend has never put down my sister.

What should I do? It's impossible for my best friend and my sister to be close friends ever again. My sister's boyfriend broke up with her and is now dating my best friend. — Sue, McComb, Miss.

SUE: Whenever your sister hears you talking to your friend, it triggers feelings about the loss of her boyfriend. A girl who loses her boyfriend to a friend has a long, bad memory. The best solution is to avoid putting yourself in the middle of their quarrel. Call your friend only when your sister isn't around and don't bring up her name at home.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Seeks Friendships with Shady Students at New School

DR. WALLACE: All of my problems started when my family moved to this small town four months ago from Phoenix. I'm a 16-year-old in 11th grade and can't make friends with the "popular" kids. They have known each other since kindergarten and have formed a clique, refusing to accept outsiders.

That means that I can only be friends with the kids who have shady reputations, which makes my parents upset. Now they're constantly lecturing me about how I'll tarnish my own reputation if I continue to hang around with these "losers."

I don't smoke, drink or do drugs, but I don't see what's wrong with overlooking these bad habits in my new friends. After all, I don't want to be the only 11th grader who is friendless.

What can I do to get my parents off my case? — Nameless, Kingman, Ariz.

NAMELESS: Making friends at a new school can be a frustrating process that often takes time; however, you don't need to resort to hanging out with a shady, drug-using crowd just to have a social life.

It may not be obvious yet, but many students at your high school are not in the snob clique and don't use alcohol, tobacco or drugs. I suggest you join a few clubs and start taking part in after-school activities that interest you. This is an excellent way to meet people.

Your parents, meanwhile, are right. You're inviting trouble into your life if you keep hanging around with kids who do drugs and alcohol.

TEEN SHOULD CONCENTRATE ON STUDIES

DR. WALLACE: I am in 12th grade this fall. I'm a very good student and carry an A-minus average. My parents did not go to college, but they have high hopes that I will attend and reach my goal of becoming an elementary school teacher — I love children and enjoy teaching. I already teach Sunday school for primary children.

This past summer I worked at a fast-food restaurant. I enjoyed the work and loved earning money, which will come in handy when I'm in college. My boss wants me to continue working even though school has started. He said I could work three hours (4 p.m. to 7 p.m.) four nights a week and six hours on Saturday.

My parents give me a small allowance — my mom is a housewife and my father works in a factory. I appreciate it, but I really could use more. Mom and dad do not want me to work during the school year for a number of reasons, including keeping my grades high. But they said they would reconsider if you thought it would be OK for me to continue working once school starts. Please say yes. — Nameless, Michigan City, Ind.

NAMELESS: Usually I would say to "give it a try" and if the grades start to slip, quit the part-time job. But in your case, I have to agree with your parents. Keep up the good grades and become a master teacher. It's just not worth risking your academic future to earn a few extra dollars.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 26, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

University Grad Declares He Will Always Smoke Marijuana

DR. WALLACE: I've been reading your column for several years, and I smile every time you try to scare teens into not smoking marijuana. I've been a pothead for over four years; I have enjoyed every single joint that I have smoked. Marijuana gives me an unbelievable high. It gives me true peace. I will smoke marijuana until the day I die.

It's a joke because vodka, whiskey and gin are legal, but smoking a joint is illegal. I'm amazed that an intelligent individual such as you believes that smoking pot can do harm to the body. Please dear doctor, tell me what medical and emotional strains are placed on the human body from puffing on a joint.

I happen to be a university graduate and earned honors from Notre Dame University. I am now an attorney in a large Indiana city and I continue to use marijuana, but I keep it a secret. I think you know the reason why. — Nameless, Citizen of the World.

WORLD CITIZEN: I am not a medical doctor, so I can't tell you the medical and emotional strains, if any, that are placed on the human body by smoking marijuana regularly. Since marijuana smoke fills the lungs of the user with every deep drag, common sense tells us that smoking any substance — be it tobacco, dried corn silk or marijuana — is unhealthy and a unwise habit.

According to Life Skills Education in Northfield, Minn., "Those who smoked 10 joints or more in a week for five years or more were found to have similar swelling, redness and changes in lung cells as that found in cigarette smokers who had consumed two packs a day for 20 years. Smoke one marijuana cigarette and it won't hurt you physically. Smoke a few joints in a year — no harm. Smoke marijuana regularly — things are looking worrisome. Smoke marijuana every day — things are looking grim." Enough said!

MOM WON'T LET DAUGHTER DATE OUTSIDE OF CATHOLIC SCHOOL

DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and attend a Catholic high school. My mom demands that I date only guys who attend my high school.

As fate would have it, I met a wonderful guy who attends a public high school. He wants to take me out and I want to go. Guess what? He's a Catholic.

I asked my mom, but she said that since the boy didn't attend my school, I couldn't go out with him. Do you think this is right? — Anita, Milwaukee.

ANITA: It's important that mom explain why she is insisting that you date only boys who attend your Catholic high school. It can't be because she wants to ensure that you only date Catholic boys; some non-Catholic parents choose to enroll their children in a Catholic school for many different reasons. Would she allow you to go out with a non-Catholic boy who attends your school?

Ask mom if you could please bring this boy to your house in order for her to meet him and make a better evaluation of his character.

I realize that your mom has the final say on this, but I would encourage her to at least meet this boy before making her decision. Please show mom my answer.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 27, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

A California High School Does Wake-up Calls to Boost Student Attendance

TEENS: Would you have a tardiness or attendance problem at school if someone called you on the telephone and told you that it was 6:30 a.m. and time to get ready for your 8 a.m. class? That's the call you would be receiving if you attended Capistrano Valley High School in California and your attendance or tardy record was a bit shaky.

The voice on the other end might sound like one of your grandparents, but it would be a senior citizen volunteer from nearby Leisure World. The principal said early morning wake-up calls would continue until the tardy or absence problem was solved.

The early wake-up calls will help in two ways. First, the student should arrive to school on time and learn something, thus improving grades. Next, the Capistrano School District receives the daily attendance money from the state each day a student attends school.

Personally, I really like the idea. It's a case where everybody wins.

TIPS TO ENSURE BABY SITTER IS PREPARED FOR AN EMERGENCY

DR. WALLACE: I'm a single mom with a 1-year-old daughter. My mom takes care of little Lisa when I'm working and baby-sits if I go out in the evening.

But now the time has come for me to hire a sitter — I've overworked my dear mom too much already. What should I expect from the sitter who will care for my precious baby? I'll interview several sitters before I make my decision. — Mom, Moline, Ill.

MOM: The primary job of all baby sitters is to protect the children in their care. A reliable baby sitter is one who has successfully completed the Basic Life Support course offered by the Red Cross, which includes training in cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR).

If an emergency arises, the sitter should know to call 911 to obtain immediate assistance. Next to your telephone you need a list with this 911 number at the top and your home address, allowing the sitter to give the information without delay. The list should also have the following numbers: your cell phone number and the number where you can be reached (in case your cell phone is not working), a trusted neighbor's number, a nearby family member's number (in case you are some distance away), and the numbers for the police, fire departments and the local hospital just in case the 911 number does not go through directly in your area.

Sitters should not watch television while the children are awake, unless the parents give their permission and the children are also watching. Sitters shouldn't use the telephone for personal calls or have visitors. The house doors need to remain locked and should not be opened for strangers. Sitters need to always remain in control. When in doubt, common sense should be their guide. Competent baby sitters are invaluable and must be compensated in a manner that reflects their worth.

TEEN ASKS QUESTIONS ABOUT DATING FOR THE FIRST TIME

DR. WALLACE: I'm 15 and allowed to date for the first time. Please answer these questions. Do you think an 11:30 p.m. curfew is fair for weekends? Should my date pick me up at my house and say hello to my parents every time we go out? Should he walk me to my front door every time (even when it's raining or snowing)? Finally, do you think I should be disciplined for coming home a few minutes late — 30 minutes to be exact? — Nameless, Tupelo, Miss.

NAMELESS: Yes to all four questions. Why do I think you're not surprised?

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.