DR. WALLACE: I'm 12 and live with my mother and my 11-year-old sister. My parents have been divorced for more than five years. My dad remarried; my sister and I haven't seen him in four years. It's really not his fault because once he got married, my mother told him he was no longer welcome in our house. Even though he hasn't seen us in a long time, he makes his child support payments on time and sends us extra money for our birthdays and Christmas.

Two months ago, our grandfather (dad's father) became sick and now is very ill. Our grandmother wrote and said our grandfather would like to see my sister and me, and he would pay for our airplane tickets. We would like to visit our granddad, but our mother doesn't want us to go because we might "bump into our father." If we went on the weekend we wouldn't miss any school. Our grandfather lives in Fredericton.

Last night mom said she still didn't want us to go, but she would let us if we choose to. We do really want to go, but we also wouldn't like our mother to be mad at us. What would you advise us to do? — Bridgette, Moncton, New Brunswick.

BRIDGETTE: Sometimes life presents us with tough decisions, which we can only make by deciding what we truly value. The right course of action seems clear to me: You should visit your grandfather. Honoring a seriously ill (perhaps dying) relative's request should override family disagreements. Even your mom realizes this, since she is allowing you to go.

SOME TEEN MOMS CAN CARE FOR NEWBORN INFANTS

DR. WALLACE: Recently you advised a teenage girl to give her baby up for adoption to a loving, caring husband and wife who can't have a child of their own. I disagree.

Two years ago, when I was 17, I got pregnant and had a son. Everybody, including my mother, told me to give my baby to adoptive parents. I thought about it, but decided I just couldn't give my baby away. Even though I didn't get married, I am happy that I decided to keep my son. He is a very happy and healthy young lad and is provided ample love and care by his mother.

Don't ever underestimate the ability of teenage mothers. Maternal instinct is given to all mothers, not just those who are over age 19 and married. — Anne, Oceanside, Calif.

Anne: I never underestimate the ability of teens and I'm seldom surprised at their ability to succeed. Of course, unwed teen mothers can do a marvelous job of parenting. In many cases, the baby should remain with its mother.

But there are times when the mother cannot care adequately for the infant due to a myriad of reasons. When this is the case, it is better for both the mother and the baby that the infant be placed with loving, caring adoptive parents. The welfare of the baby is of prime importance.

Giving a child for adoption is a difficult and often traumatic decision. Faith and everlasting love for the child are constant companions of moms who make this necessary choice.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE TUESDAY, OCTOBER 14, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Avoid Running to California to be with Love Interest

DR. WALLACE: I'm 18 and have a huge problem where I need advice. I live with my adoptive parents, whom I love very much. I consider them to be my mother and father. I never use the word "adoptive" when I mention them, but in this case it is important for you to know.

I care very much for Howard, who is 19 and now living in California because he got into trouble here in our town. My parents refuse to let me stay in contact with Howard in anyway, and they said that as long as I'm living at home that rule is in effect. To compound things, Howard is my mother's youngest brother. Since my mother and I are not related by blood, there is no reason why Howard and I can't be romantically involved. Please tell me what I should do. Howard wanted me to come to California after I graduated from high school. I am now a high school graduate.

I'm really confused. Something inside me is telling me to go for it, but when I seriously think about it I have my doubts. I guess you could say my heart says yes, my brain says no. — Sherry, Zanesville, Ohio.

SHERRY: In this case, your brain is making a lot more sense than your heart. Running off to California to be with Howard sounds like certain disaster. Even though you're adopted, he's still your uncle. And your mother knows him much better than you do. Sever all contact with him immediately.

TEEN AMAZINGLY SURVIVES DRINKING AND DRIVING ACCIDENT

DR. WALLACE: I never thought I'd be writing to you, but here I am. The letter from the girl who lost her best friend in an automobile accident touched me. After reading it, I had to share my story.

I had promised my parents that I would never ride with a person who had been drinking. But one cold winter morning, at 3:20 a.m., I broke that promise — I was riding with a male friend who had a couple of drinks. Since I didn't have a drink, I should have been driving, but you know how hard it is to convince a guy he should not be driving his car. He claimed he was perfectly sober and had things under control. Because of the late hour, he took a back road to save time.

Suddenly at the top of a ridge we came upon a snowdrift. Because he was speeding, he couldn't stop. The car started sliding and wound up hitting a tree, landing on its side. Miraculously, I walked away from the accident with only a broken jaw, torn ligaments in a hand and knee, broken blood vessels in my hip, a badly bruised chest, legs and face, plus cuts all over my body. The driver had similar injuries.

I have not seen the car since the accident, but all those who saw it have told me that I'm a very lucky young lady. I thank God for sparing my life. He is the only reason that I'm still alive and able to write this letter to warn teens that alcohol and automobiles can be a deadly combination.

Teens, please don't ever drive after you have been drinking and never ride with someone who has had even as little as one drink. Believe me, I never will again — Nameless, Portland, Maine.

NAMELESS: Thanks for sharing your harrowing experience. Your message will reach a great many young people and some will take it seriously.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 15, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Former Drug Addict Warns Teens of Drug Effects

DR. WALLACE: I'm writing this letter to you because it's good therapy for me, and I don't want one teen to travel down the same drug path I followed. I am a 17-year-old guy who happens to be a recovering drug addict. I was hooked on many drugs for several years, but my main addiction was to cocaine and crack (snorting and injecting). I started smoking marijuana at the age of 10, and before long I was doing a lot of drugs.

By the time I was 14, my habit was costing me up to $200 a day. I earned my money by working honestly as well as dealing drugs and stealing anything. Before I suffered a breakdown last June, I went through $300 in 24 hours getting the drugs to support my habit.

In July, I realized that drugs were going to kill me and I didn't want to die. I asked for help and was placed into treatment. Three times in the hospital I was rushed to the emergency room because of withdrawal complications. The head doctor told me I would die if I didn't stay clean.

I am now out of the hospital and it has been really hard to stay away from drugs. I've only used marijuana twice and LSD once, but I've been clean for the last 58 days now; I'm very proud of myself. I've made a lot of progress and I'm still obsessed with drugs, but with the help of God, I'll make something of my life.

I'm writing to you, Dr. Wallace, because I want to encourage teens to stay clean if they haven't started using drugs. If they are using drugs, I encourage them to stop, and if they are addicted, to get help — immediately. — Nameless, Lodi, Calif.

NAMELESS: I'm also very proud of you and wish you a full recovery. There's almost nothing harder than recovering from a drug addiction, but with courage and faith in God, which you have in abundance, it can be done.

I believe in you — and I think you will surely make something out of your life. Please stay in touch and let me hear about your continued progress. Thanks for caring about other teens enough to write; your words of warning will affect many lives.

TEEN IS TIRED OF PLEASING MOM WITH CRAZY PLAYING HOURS

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 13-year-old girl. I have five older brothers who are no longer living at home. All six of us kids play two musical instruments. I have played piano since I was 3 and the violin since I was 8. Right now, I'm in a youth orchestra and I enjoy it very much.

But I do have a problem. I get the feeling that music is the most important thing in my mother's life, even more valuable than her family. I practice one hour every day on each instrument, but that doesn't satisfy my mother. She thinks I should spend "a lot more time" on both instruments.

My mom hates it when I play soccer during the fall. She even says she's going to home-teach me next school year so I can have more time to practice. I'm grateful for all the things my parents do for me, but I feel I must practice, practice, practice to gain my mother's love. I also happen to be a straight-A student and give violin lessons to young learners. Help! — Allie, Hammond, Ind.

ALLIE: Music exists to enrich the life of both performer and listener. It should not be drudgery, nor should it be all-consuming, keeping a teenager from physical activities like soccer. When something beautiful becomes tedious and unpleasant, there's a problem — it's called overkill. Let's hope Mom reads your letter and relaxes a little bit about your schedule. There's more to life than "practice, practice, practice"!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE THURSDAY, OCTOBER 16, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Needs Some Boundaries and Rules to Control Lifestyle

DR. WALLACE: My problem is that my mother is trying to run my life. Just because my older sister was involved in everything (sex, booze, pot, wild parties, staying out late, etc.), my mother is trying to put the clamps on me. I'm 15 and tired of being a goody-goody. I do hang around with three girls who are considered wild, but so what? We are all popular and we have a lot of fun. We go to parties, even though my mom thinks I'm at a friend's house. Sure, I drink, but I know when to stop.

Since I'm 15, my mother is all hyped-up because she saw me kissing this guy who looked much older. Big deal! Now I'm grounded for two weeks and I have to promise I will never see this guy again. I'll "promise," but I will see him because we care for each other and, besides, he throws good parties.

My mother doesn't like me to go to the teen hangout because there are too many boys. Of course there are, that's why my three girlfriends and I go.

Dr. Wallace, I enjoy being a little wild. Why can't my mother just leave me alone? P.S. I have no dad. — Margo, Baltimore.

MARGO: Wow, your mother has her hands full — precisely because she loves you and wants what is best for you. Obviously, grounding you is not the answer, nor is extracting promises from you that you have no intention to keep. This will only cause your relationship with her to deteriorate further.

If your mother had written to me describing your behavior, I would have recommended that she do everything in her power to improve communication with you, including seeing a family counselor or therapist with you. This person could help her set limits for you in a way that you will honor and respect.

But since you're the one who wrote the letter, Margo, I can only ask you to take the initiative to improve your relationship with Mom. She's right to want to rein you in and control your "wildness," and deep down in your heart you know she is correct.

My hope for the two of you is that you establish honest communication, which is the foundation for a good parent-child relationship. Don't make a promise you do not intend to keep. Instead, try to reach a reasonable compromise with Mom: Some partying is OK, but no sex or drinking. And do your homework on a regular basis.

Without limits on your behavior, you're headed for a life full of trouble and misery. If you didn't understand this instinctively, you wouldn't have written to me.

IGNORE BROTHER'S OBNOXIOUS BEHAVIOR

DR. WALLACE: I'm 13 and have an 11-year-old brother who is really a pest. Whenever my friends are over, he asks stupid questions and does dumb things. My friends think he's a jerk. We yell at him, plead with him and beg him to leave us alone, but it doesn't do any good. I've talked to my parents, but it doesn't seem to bother them. It sure does annoy me. Help! — Lisa, Tupelo, Miss.

LISA: Your brother is looking for attention and, unfortunately, he's getting it. I know it's tempting to yell, scream and complain when he's acting like a brat, but try to resist because that's exactly what he wants you to do.

If you want him to stop being a jerk, ignore him completely. Regardless of what he says or does, pretend he isn't there. This may be hard, but believe me, it will work. After awhile, you'll notice that his antics are fewer and shorter. Then one day, you will be overwhelmed to discover that he is more interested in collecting baseball cards than pestering you and your friends.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE FRIDAY, OCTOBER 17, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Give Alcoholic Boyfriend an Ultimatum to Stop Drinking

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and dating a guy who is 24. He has many good qualities and one very bad one — he drinks too much. There are times I have thought of marrying him, and other incidences where I want to dump him because I think he might become an alcoholic.

I've discussed this issue with Ted, but he laughs it off, saying he can control the alcohol. He might be right, but he still drinks a lot. My parents don't drink and neither do I, so I don't know much about alcoholism. I would really appreciate knowing the symptoms of beginning alcoholism. It's getting to the point that I'm having second thoughts about him being my husband. —Nameless, Taladega, Ala.

NAMELESS: According to the National Council on Alcoholism, the early danger signs of alcoholism include:

— Feeling that parties or other festive occasions aren't complete without a couple of drinks.

— More frequent use of drinking to "relieve" tension and fatigue and "get over" disappointment, frustration and quarrels at home or work.

— Ability to handle more alcohol than others and a need to have a "few extras" when drinking with others.

— Beginning of blackouts; parts of the previous evening cannot be remembered even though the individual did not pass out.

— Drinking on a regular basis, but denying that a drinking problem exists.

Alcohol has destroyed far too many families. You're wise to be wary of your boyfriend's drinking. Don't risk letting alcohol destroy your future. Give Ted a choice: alcohol or you. It won't take long to find out whether he controls his drinking or it controls him.

TEEN NEEDS TO REPLACE FRIEND'S BROKEN CD PLAYER

DR. WALLACE: I borrowed my friend's CD player for a party. She got it for her birthday; it was eight months old. Somehow someone knocked it on the floor and broke it. The player cost about $50 new. I offered to give my friend $30 because it was used. My parents and I thought this was fair.

But my friend and her parents think I should buy her a new CD player because it was "perfectly good" when she loaned it to me. We don't want to lose our friendship over this incident, but each of us is adamant that we're right. That's why I am writing to you for your solution. We will abide by your answer. — Lynn, Ontario, Calif.

LYNN: Since the eight-month-old CD player functioned properly when your friend loaned it to you, you're responsible to see that a functional one is returned to her. She shouldn't have to shell out $20 to enjoy something she already had.

You're putting your friendship at risk over the matter of a few dollars. Stop being petty and buy her a new CD player — of the same model and make as the one you borrowed. This is absolutely the right thing to do.

Include a note saying, "Thanks for letting me borrow your CD player. I'm sorry it broke, so I'm replacing it with a new one. And I apologize for not doing so immediately. Our friendship is far too important to jeopardize over such a small matter."

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE SATURDAY, OCTOBER 18, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Needs Encouragement to Remain a Nonsmoker

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 16-year-old girl who has a lot of family problems. My mom and dad are divorced, and I live with my mother, who has a different boyfriend about every other week. I'm really not a bad kid, but I receive little attention and no direction whatsoever from my mom.

I have been hanging around with a girl who smokes and she always asks me if I want a cigarette. So far I just say, "No, thanks." She sort of pressures me to have a cigarette, but I want to remain smokeless. Please print the dangers of smoking in your column so I can cut the column out and keep it in my wallet as a reminder. — Tami, Phoenix.

TAMI: You are a very wise young lady.

There is overwhelming evidence that smoking causes disease and premature death. Smoking contributes to cancer, heart disease, bronchitis, emphysema and other ills. According to the Canadian Lung Association:

— Smokers, male and female, die from a variety of ailments at a rate two-thirds higher than nonsmokers.

— The risk goes up as the amount of smoke goes up. For example, two-pack-a-day smokers have a death rate twice as high as nonsmokers. A smoker can expect to die eight or nine years earlier than a nonsmoker.

— Women are dying from lung cancer at a rate three times as high as they were 40 years ago. Some blame Women's Lib.

— Many teens that smoke suffer immediate harm in the form of lung damage and respiratory problems.

— Ninety percent of the people who smoke have either tried to quit smoking or would probably quit if only they could find an effective way to do so.

—You can also add that smoking is an expensive habit, not only due to the price of the cigarettes, but also due to the damage sparks from lit cigarettes do to clothes, furniture, carpets, etc. All smokers can tell you about the little holes in their favorite dress or shirt, the stains on their fingers and breath that smells like a smokestack. Keep saying no to cigarettes and live a happy, healthy life smoke-free! I'm pulling for you.

MOM THINKS PHYSICAL EXAM MEANS HER DAUGHER IS HAVING SEX

DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and lost faith in my mother. I have not had a physical examination since I was 11 and, naturally, my body has gone through many changes.

I told her that I wanted to have another physical examination because I have several things that worry me — I would like to discuss them with a doctor. Well, my mother accused me of being sexually active and said I only wanted to see a doctor to get birth control pills.

I have never given my parents cause to worry. I don't date regularly and I'm not a party girl. Am I asking too much to find out if I'm healthy? — Jenny, Springfield, Ohio.

JENNY: Your mom was way off base. Receiving a physical exam is an excellent idea, as is discussing all your health concerns with your doctor. Don't let mom's unwarranted accusation stop you from making an appointment. You have a right to be certain that you are perfectly healthy.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.