DR. WALLACE: I took my girlfriend to a friend's birthday party. We got into a huge argument because she was dancing with some guy. I made her leave with me, and on the way home she said something that really made me mad — I lost my cool and punched her on the side of her head. She started crying and I immediately told her that I was sorry. I called her the next day and again apologized. I said that I would never hit her again. She said she never wanted to see me again and not to call her anymore.

Dr. Wallace, I really do love this young lady. I'm human and made a mistake, but every human makes mistakes, including you. Please tell me what I can do to get this young lady to forgive me. — Nameless, Dyer, Ind.

NAMELESS: It's true that I made a full quota of mistakes, but one of them is not punching a female. That criminal act might be forgiven, but never forgotten.

Do not contact this young woman again, and thank your lucky stars she didn't have you arrested. I hope you regard this as a wakeup call: You have a dangerous temper, which can get out of control and cause you to harm another person. You are also jealous and possessive; these are not qualities that will lead to a happy relationship with anyone. Rather than feeling sorry for yourself over (deservedly) losing a girlfriend, make a vow right now to be a better person —one who is master of his emotions.

FRIENDS PLAY A PART IN PRESSURE TO DRINK

DR. WALLACE: I am a single mother who has been reading your column since I was a teen. My husband was killed in an auto accident before our son was born. A drunk driver hit my husband's car head-on when he was coming home after working a late shift. This drunk driver survived, but he robbed me of a husband and my son of a father.

My son is now 16 and a good boy. I have devoted much of my life to direct him to be a responsible and law-abiding young man. Lately, one of his friends was arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol. To me, this was shocking. My son assured me that even though several of his friends drink (I didn't know this), that he never has. I believe him, but I wonder if he can continue to "just say no."

Several years ago, you printed an essay about teens that don't drink but are pressured by friends who do. Is it possible to reprint that article? I would be ever grateful if you could. — Mother, Chicago.

MOTHER: I'm happy to reprint "Friends," which was shared by a teen reader:

"Friends" drink with us. They also buy us drinks to celebrate birthdays, weddings, graduations, etc. They buy us drinks to drown our sorrows, too.

"Pals" laugh with us when we are drunk. They love it when we cut loose and act foolish. They also laugh at us.

"Buddies" ride with us when we are drunk and let us ride with them. They trust our judgment to evaluate our own condition.

The same friends, buddies and pals visit us in the hospital if our drinking results in an accident, but if we "aren't fun anymore," they will find new companions.

If we die from our injuries, they will attend our funeral and sob in shocked disbelief. Then they will toast our life and have a few to ease the pain of our death, but they are alive and life goes on.

Friendship?

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE TUESDAY, JULY 29, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Love Develops with Time, Infatuation Happens First

DR. WALLACE: This summer vacation, I spent two weeks in El Paso, Texas, with my sister and her husband. While there, I met a real nice guy and we went out three times. When I left for home, we promised to write to each other and to see each other next summer when we both graduate from high school.

About a week ago, I wrote first and told him that I had a wonderful time in El Paso (I learned to enjoy Mexican food), and was looking forward to seeing him next summer. Today I got his return letter and he said that he loved me. This really surprised me, but the more I thought about it, the more I think I could be in love with him, too.

Is this possible or do you think we're just infatuated with each other? — Bethany, Erie, Pa.

BETHANY: You're obviously infatuated with each other, but that doesn't mean you can't also be "in love." Infatuation is the doorway to love.

Love is an emotional and spiritual state that is about not only the present moment, but also the long term (i.e., the rest of one's life). Infatuation happens all at once; love grows over time. Infatuation fades at the first challenge or difficulty, but love survives and grows stronger.

In other words, the only way for you to know whether it's really love is to spend more time with him. When you see each other next summer, you'll be able to tell more clearly whether there's real substance to your feelings for each other.

LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE ISN'T A TEST OF LOVE

DR. WALLACE: After reading your column from Chad who was confused about his live-in girlfriend's lack of desire to get married, I felt compelled to write. This couple had just graduated from high school and had only lived together for a few months. But since she didn't want to get married for a few years, you recommended that they split up now rather than waste those years. What a typical middle-age way of thinking! Wake up, Dr. Wallace — it's the 21st century.

My boyfriend is 22 and I am 19. We have lived together since I graduated from high school last year. Although we do eventually want to get married, we know that there are other things we need to accomplish first. Besides, the year that we have lived together — unmarried — has proven that we really do love each other. Our families could not be happier about our decision. If and when we decide to get married, our families will be right there by our sides.

If, by chance, things do not end up working out between us, I would rather have wasted those two years of living together than a lifetime in an unhappy marriage.

Therefore, we will wait two years, possibly even longer, until we are both prepared to deal with the topic of marriage. And when we do get married, we will be sure that the future we are entering into will be a secure one — because we have given it a trial run, and succeeded!

In the future I recommend that you be a little more selective in the giving of advice. — Theresa, Brunswick, Ga.

THERESA: There comes a time in life when people take the moral approach because it's the right thing to do. Too often we compromise morality for convenience and acceptance.

Couples who live together as husband and wife without a marriage contract are trying to gain the benefits of marriage without accepting its responsibilities. To say that living together before marriage is a test of the couple's love for each other is nothing but a cop-out. This was true in 1908 and it's still true 100 years later.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE WEDNESDAY, JULY 30, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

The Third Time is Most Likely Not the Charm

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 17-year-old guy who has a big crush on a certain young lady. Hannah and I will be seniors in September and have known each other since first grade. Last year, we got to know each other well when we were paired together on a school debate team. I've wanted to ask her out, but I wasn't sure if she had a boyfriend.

Last week I got the courage to call her and ask her for a date, but she said she couldn't go out because she was on restriction for the weekend. I called her again last night and asked her to go to a movie with me. This time she told me she really liked me as a friend, but that she didn't want to go out with me.

My best buddy said, "The third time is the charm," and told me to call her one more time. What do you think? — Nameless, Holland, Mich.

NAMELESS: The third time is just as likely to be "strike three." Sorry, but her response to your second call was pretty clear: She wants a friendship, but not a dating relationship. Keep the friendship. Maybe, eventually, she'll change her mind and see you in a new light. But don't sit around waiting for that to happen. Date other girls. Ms. Right is still out there, waiting for you to find her.

FATHER'S DUMB REASONING INFLUENCES SON'S ACTIONS

DR. WALLACE: I've been dating this guy for about a month. He always picks me up at my house, so he has met my parents many times. Last night after he picked me up, we drove by his house because he forgot his wallet, which contained his driver's license. This gave me the opportunity to meet his mom and dad.

Boy, was I shocked. His mother barely said "Hi." His father was the opposite. He asked me lots of questions about what church I attended, where my parents worked and if I was serious about his son. He floored me with, "At least you won't get him by getting pregnant — my son has been taught to use a condom if he plans to have sex."

All I could say was, "That's nice." When we got back in the car, I asked Jake about what his dad said and he said it was true. He then opened the glove compartment and showed me a box of condoms. He said they were there just in case we got "carried away."

I couldn't believe my ears. I should have ended the date right then and there. After the movie, he started getting frisky and said the time had come to become intimate. I told him no and asked him to take me home. Date rape passed through my mind, but fortunately, he stopped being aggressive and took me home.

The next day he called me, acting just like nothing unusual had happened the previous night. He didn't mention his aggressiveness, nor did he apologize.

I do like this guy, but not as much as I used to and I have no respect for his father. In fact, if my parents knew what he said to me they would refuse to allow me to see Jake anymore; my dad would probably have a few choice words to say to his dad.

Something is telling me to end my relationship with Jake, but I'm not sure I want to listen to that. It might be better if Jake got rid of the condoms. There is no way whatsoever that he will use them with me. — Nameless, Porterville, Calif.

NAMELESS: I've stopped being shocked by the stupidity some parents show, but I'm still extremely disappointed in your boyfriend's dad's actions.

I've given this quite a bit of thought and finally recalled that old Irish saying, "What's in the cat is in the kitten." Save yourself a lot of future trouble and bid Jake — and his dad — adieu!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE THURSDAY, JULY 31, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Marijuana Won't Cause Overdose But Damages Lungs

DR. WALLACE: Is it possible for a regular marijuana user to die from an overdose of pot? What is more dangerous for a person's health: being addicted to tobacco products or smoking a couple of joints every day? — Nameless, Sycamore, Ill.

NAMELESS: Drug experts agree that marijuana will not cause a fatal overdose. But regular marijuana smoking can cause physical ailments that can lead to premature death. Research has shown that one marijuana cigarette can cause as much lung inflammation as seven to 20 tobacco cigarettes.

Pot smokers generally consume less than tobacco smokers do, but they hold the smoke longer in their lungs. Because marijuana smoke has more cancer-causing chemicals than tobacco smoke, those who smoked 10 marijuana cigarettes a week for five years were found to have similar swelling, redness and changes in lung cells as cigarette smokers who had consumed two packs a day for 20 years, according to the publication "Marijuana and Health," printed by Life Skills Education in Weymouth, Mass.

The wise teen, who strives to have a healthy body, avoids both tobacco products and marijuana.

DON'T BE PRESSURED BY FRIENDS' OPINIONS

DR. WALLACE: I would like to respond to the girl who was concerned because her "friends" laughed at her, since her boyfriend was shorter than she is.

Well, I had the same problem a few years ago. I went with a boy that I really liked, but since he was shorter than I was, my friends poked fun at me and I dropped him. He was sweet, considerate and cute. Then suddenly last summer he began to grow rapidly and I wanted him back, but it was too late. He said he had been hurt too much.

So, girls, don't listen to those who would make fun of you for dating a short guy. Good things happen to those who have a little patience. — Laura, Brunswick, Ga.

LAURA: Well stated. But if the boy hadn't had a rapid growth spurt, he would still be sweet, considerate and cute — and short. Would you still regret your decision? I hope so.

The lesson here is not that all short boys grow taller, but that peer pressure causes teens to make unwise decisions.

PARENTS NEED TO CENSOR KIDS' TV SHOWS

DR. WALLACE: I'm 14, and I have a super high IQ and get good grades. For my 14th birthday, my grandmother bought me a television set for my room. My parents will not let me watch some of my favorite TV programs.

Do you think that parents should censor TV programs for teens? — Brent, Gary, Ind.

BRENT: Television is a marvelous communication tool. But, like all tools with great potential, it can be abused. Then it becomes more of a curse than a blessing.

Yes, I think parents should monitor the programs their teens watch and set limits on how long the tube is on — no matter how high the child's IQ is.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE FRIDAY, AUGUST 1, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Leave Friends in Order to Avoid Becoming a Fellow Drinker

DR. WALLACE: I have two very close friends. We've been friends since first grade and we are now 16. About five months ago, one of these friends was introduced to alcohol by her then boyfriend. They are no longer dating, but she has continued drinking. She gets it from her parents' stash of beer and wine. Of course, they are not aware that she is into their booze.

About a month ago, she convinced our other friend to start drinking and now they both are drinkers. I was invited to join in, but I'm strong-willed and told them, "Thanks, but no thanks."

Last week my mother found out that my friends were drinking regularly. When we discussed it, I told her that, yes, my friends did drink; however, no, I didn't drink and was not tempted by their behavior.

Immediately my mom overreacted. She told me to quit hanging around with these friends and to find new ones. Of course, I don't want to do this. I convinced Mom to let me write to you and get your opinion before she makes her final decision. I hope you will see my point of view. — Kim, McComb, Miss.

KIM: Peer pressure is powerful. Dr. Richard Schwartz of Georgetown University's School of Medicine, says that, on average, a drinker convinces three others to try alcohol.

I agree with Mom — you should find new friends who share your non-drinking philosophy. Most drinkers do not enjoy drinking alone!

TEEN UPSET WITH EX-BOYFRIEND DATING AGAIN

DR. WALLACE: Why is it that when a boyfriend breaks up with you, you always get upset with the new girl he dates, especially if the new girl just happens to be one of your good friends? Let me give you an example.

Larry and I broke up after going together for seven months. We both wanted our freedom to date others. About a month ago, I started seeing Rich and I really like him a lot; I wouldn't even consider dumping Rich to go back with Larry. No way!

Last week Larry started dating Arlene, who is one of my friends. Now I find myself becoming upset at Arlene and Larry. Why is this? — Debby, Sidney, Ohio.

DEBBY: It's just human nature to want a discarded item returned when you discover someone else wants it. Many times I've observed a young child ignore a particular toy for weeks, but as soon as a playmate gets interested in it, the toy is suddenly precious and not to be shared.

A MAJORITY OF TEEN GIRLS ARE WAITING TO HAVE SEX

DR. WALLACE: You wrote that the majority of teenage girls never had sex. I think you're trying to give your readers a con job. It's very hard for me to agree with your statement. I'm 15 and have had sex; so have all the girls I hang around with. I'm not saying I have sex regularly or that I'm glad that I'm not a virgin, I'm just stating a fact.

Do you have any scientific data to back up your statement? — Nameless, Indianapolis.

NAMELESS: There have been numerous surveys showing that the majority of teen girls are virgins. One of the latest was conducted by the University of Michigan involving 1,472 Michigan girls between the ages of 15 and 18. A total of 63 percent were virgins. It's obviously a big mistake to gauge national trends by one's limited circle of friends.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE SATURDAY, AUGUST 2, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Hopes her Father will Better his Life by Eliminating Cigarettes

DR. WALLACE: My father smokes over two packs of cigarettes a day. I love him more than any human being on earth. He's a single parent and is doing a superb job of raising me (I'm 16), my younger sister (13) and my younger brother (9). Our mother abandoned us six years ago, and is now married to someone else and living in another state. We, her children, have no contact with her.

I know you encourage all of your readers to give up smoking or, better yet, never to start, but I'm asking you for one huge favor. My sister and I worry that my father could get lung cancer and die because of his smoking habit. We don't want this to happen. We need and love him too much for that.

He never smokes in our house because he has too much respect for us. He always smokes outside or in the garage. That helps us, but it doesn't help him. Whenever we tell him that we don't want to lose him, he admits that smoking can cause lung cancer, but says he is too young for it to happen to him. He's 43.

I remember that you printed a letter from a reader who wrote saying she lost her father because of smoking-related lung cancer, and he was only in his 40s. Please print that letter again. I want to frame it and put it on our kitchen table so my father can read it. I'm sure this is the only way I can convince him that he must quit smoking.

We are all good kids, but when he quits smoking, we will even be better kids. Our father is very special and we all love him so much; it hurts us to think that cigarettes could take him away from us. — Wendy, Plattsburg, N.Y.

WENDY: You made me dig through my files to recover the letter you wanted, but it was a labor of love on my part. I feel that in a short time your father will give up his smoking habit and will live a long and productive life. And one day he will be as wonderful a grandfather as he is a father. The following letter is just for him:

DR. WALLACE: Last Friday night my father died at the age of 42. Daddy had asthma since childhood. Asthma isn't a fatal disease unless the sufferer gets careless with his health. Daddy started smoking at age 17. Although he wasn't smoking when he died, the damage was already there — cancer. The doctors thought they might be able to operate on him, but then decided the cancer was too far advanced.

In a way I am relieved. Now I know Daddy isn't suffering anymore. But still I feel cheated. Daddy will not help celebrate my high school graduation. He won't give me away when I get married. My future children will never have the opportunity to know what a wonderful man their grandfather was.

Dear Readers, if you smoke, please stop. If you don't, please don't start. Parents, if you smoke, please think about my loss and give up the habit. If just one person's precious life is spared because of my letter, then the pain of watching my dear father suffer and die will be tempered with a little joy. — A faithful reader, Oklahoma City, Okla.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.