Broken lives and fractured families, dashed dreams and financial ruin, and physical, emotional or mental distress; such are the harsh consequences for people addicted to alcohol or other drugs.

Even for those who do stop drinking and drugging and find recovery, it's not unusual to experience these misfortunes, sometimes months or even years later. It can takes years to clean up the messes from the past.

Dear Mr. Moyers: Last fall, my son was kicked out of high school for drug possession. He went to treatment in another state. The good news is that today he is clean and sober; that's not easy for an 18-year-old. The bad news is that even though the principal allowed him to return to school to finish his senior year, now he won't allow my son to walk with his classmates on graduation day. My son is so hurt and embarrassed. It isn't fair. He's worked really hard to make it. I want to sue the school for damages or get a court order. Is that a good idea? — Martha D. in Scranton, Pa.

Dear Martha: I understand your son's feelings and yours, too. Graduation is a big deal. And being part of the pomp and circumstance with his classmates would be a signature of his accomplishment, especially with what he's been through. But the principal must have a reason for his decision. Like it or not, your son should understand and accept the fact that his actions when under the influence have results that can seem especially unfair now that he is clean. But such is the journey he is on now. By accepting life on life's terms, he can let go of his past and move on. And so can you. It is a stout lesson that even in sobriety, life continues to throw obstacles in the way. Remember: His worst day sober is better than his best day stoned.

Dear Mr. Moyers: A divorce followed my treatment for alcoholism in 1984. Too much happened when I was drunk to save the marriage, and I can't blame my ex-wife, either. That was 24 years ago; I've been clean and sober since. I got remarried, started a new family in a new part of the country, made a name for myself, and now I'm retired after a very successful medical career. I've just learned from a mutual friend that my former wife probably is dying of cancer. I feel a relentless urge to reach out to her, even though we haven't lain eyes on each other since the divorce. Is that a good idea? And if I do, should I tell my current wife? She always has been wary that I have just a little bit too much fondness for my ex-wife. — Thomas A. in Roanoke, Va.

Dear Thomas: This is tricky. You must ask yourself what your real motivation is for visiting your ex-wife. Is it so that you can feel better, or do you genuinely want to offer her support and sympathy? If it is the latter, then you've got to consider her perspective. Obviously, she was wounded deeply by your alcoholic behavior. Perhaps she never recovered, even though you have. Showing up could cause the hurt to flare again, especially as she is physically and emotionally vulnerable in her sickness. I suggest you approach her through the mutual friend first. If she's open to a visit, then you've got to explain to your current wife why it is important for you to go. Do not keep it a secret. Finally, plan to keep your visit short, and don't delve into the dark details of the past or even your regrets. Sometimes the best amends you can make in recovery are those that are left unspoken but expressed with caring compassion and a commitment to continued recovery. Your willingness to visit says a lot about how you've changed and who you are today.

William C. Moyers is the vice president of external affairs for the Hazelden Foundation and the author of "Broken," a best-selling memoir. The paperback edition was released in August 2007. Please send your questions to William Moyers at William@WilliamMoyers.com. To find out more about William Moyers and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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