Work Daze from Creators Syndicate

Waist Not. Want Not for 07/03/2008

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0700

OK, fatty. Put down that jelly donut and step away from the conference table. I don't care if you are a big boss or a total loss, if I see powdered sugar on your chin, I'm going to do something drastic, like call the HR department and report you for making unwanted advances on a box of Entenmann's.

Tough love? Perhaps, but it's only fair to warn you. You may think no one has noticed the ...

Updated: Thu Jul 03, 2008

Cold Comfort for 07/10/2008

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Bad news, fellow worker-bees. Global warming may be raising temperatures at company branches in the North and South Pole, but back in here in headquarters, we're freezing our buns off. Summer is here, and the air conditioners have been cranked up to “kill,” leaving many of us about as productive as a Popsicle.

Yes, it's true. The colder you get, the less you accomplish. An ex ...

Updated: Thu Jul 10, 2008

Married to the Job for 07/17/2008

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0700

My wife and I used to commute together. It was economical. It was also scary.

Trapped in traffic in a minivan, arguments that merely simmered at home, boiled over like a hot radiator. Driving to work was bad, but driving home was worse. The problem was all the repressed rage that had built up during the workday. Normal people find a healthy outlet for their frustration — they drink ...

Updated: Thu Jul 17, 2008

Sing for Your Supervisor for 07/24/2008

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Trapped like rats in our cubical maze — our every move monitored and our every keystroke counted — no one could blame you if you harbor the dream of escaping the office to work from home. I mean, can't you just see it? You're free from snooping supervisors. Combative co-workers can't bother you. And you have the most excellent advantage of being able to work in your bunny pajamas.
Updated: Thu Jul 24, 2008

Home (Working) Alone for 07/31/2008

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Welcome back, congregants. Before we begin today's sermon, let us review last week's riveting exegesis on the stresses and strains of working in an office-like environment. You will recall the spasm of horror that flooded your cerebellum when I explained how your place of business could, at any moment, be invaded by Mel B, aka Scary Spice, and the ex-'N Sync superstar, Joey Fatone, as they work ...

Updated: Thu Jul 31, 2008

Supervisor Who? for 08/07/2008

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0700

I admit it! Sometimes I get so involved with the pains and problems of being supervised that I completely ignore the terrible burden on those who do the managing. After all, our supervisors carry a lot of responsibility on their bony shoulders. Plus, there's the stress of knowing that no matter how little work you actually do, you still will have to be front and center when it comes time to rec ...

Updated: Thu Aug 07, 2008

Up on Downtime for 08/14/2008

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0700

I don't know if you've made your final decision yet, but if you ask me, I know what I want to be when I come back in my next life. I want to return as an employee of SuperGroup Creative Omnimedia.

I understand that the concept of reincarnation does not often figure in the science of career counseling, but a fellow can dream, can't he? And if I may be so bold, may I suggest that once you ...

Updated: Thu Aug 14, 2008

Relax. Reflect. Retire. for 08/28/2008

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 00:00:00 -0700

This doesn't apply to me, since I retired the day I started working; however, for someone like you, who has been laboring, striving, succeeding and achieving, the idea of jumping off the treadmill may be a tad unsettling. In fact, it is the inability to visualize a life without a job that leaves many people completely unprepared for the moment when the Grim Reaper of retirement waltzes into you ...

Updated: Thu Aug 28, 2008

Job Hunting at the Job for 09/04/2008

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

You can feel it in your bones, can't you? That strangely familiar feeling wafting through the cubicle corridors whispering, "you're about to be fired."

One doesn't need to consult an Oracle database to know when a firing is imminent. The same DNA that warned our ancestors when a Tyrannosaurus was around the bend also triggers our modern nervous systems when a Terminationasurus ...

Updated: Thu Sep 04, 2008

Working on the Chain Gang for 09/11/2008

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Office walls do not make a prison. Or do they?

There are times when being at work is wonderfully liberating. And other moments feel similar to serving an unlimited sentence in solitary confinement.

It's that captivity feeling that you get most of all, right? Everyone else is out there — gaining contacts, earning money and making progress across the global spectrum. Instead, ...

Updated: Thu Sep 11, 2008

Multitasking Causes Less Productivity Among Workers for 09/18/2008

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Here's something about this column that you don't know. While I am writing these words, I am also answering my e-mail, juggling phone messages, cooking a six-course organic dinner, balancing my checkbook and playing Scrabulous with a 12-year-old podiatry student in Dubrovnik.

Yes, reader, I am a multitasker and proud of it. Or, I was proud until I picked up a new —and refreshingly ...

Updated: Thu Sep 18, 2008

Protect Yourself: It's Later than You Think for 09/25/2008

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 00:00:00 -0700

I don't know about you, but I've been sitting here all morning waiting for government intervention to save my sorry assets. Since our politicians have extended a helping hand to the financial industry — after first putting that helping hand into your pocket — I don't think it's too much to expect the Fed to bail out the disaster that is your personal cash flow situation. I'm not say ...

Updated: Thu Sep 25, 2008

Eek! A Spouse! for 10/02/2008

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Good news! I've finally figured out why you're going nowhere in what we laughingly call "your career." It's not because you're lazy, indecisive and ineffectual. It's not you at all — the real problem is your spouse.

According to an article by Leslie Kaufman in The New York Times, major job searches almost invariably include a careful vetting of the potential hire's signif ...

Updated: Thu Oct 02, 2008

Yo Ho Ho! A Consultant's Life for Me! for 10/09/2008

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Be honest now. How would you like a job where you work when you want, get paid whatever you ask and are treated with respect by everyone in the company?

No, I'm not talking about being the boss. I'm talking about being a consultant.

Oh, to be a consultant! How wonderful that would be. And — guess what? — how very possible that the urge to consult will strike you, now t ...

Updated: Thu Oct 09, 2008

Let's Get Personal for 10/16/2008

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0700

What's the difference between you and Sergey Brin, one of the co-founders of Google? I mean, besides his private plane, his billion-dollar bankbook, and his high-level position on the honor roll of the world's richest guys.

The answer, my friend, is that Brin has a personal assistant — a comely amanuensis named Ginger Franke. She not only runs personal errands for top execs in Sili ...

Updated: Thu Oct 16, 2008

I Now Pronounce You: Office Spouse for 10/23/2008

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Here's a workplace shocker — one in 10 of your fellow co-workers is a bigamist.

No, these folks are not participating in an office version of "Big Love." These bigamists have only one spouse at home, but there is another spouse involved. I'm referring to the long-time, intimate relationship that grows out of the close proximity of an ordinary workingman or woman; the pers ...

Updated: Thu Oct 23, 2008

Shoulder of Fortune for 10/30/2008

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 00:00:00 -0700

Yes, I know. Your boss likes you. But does she or he "like like" you or simply "like" you. Or, and this is important, did they used to really "like like" you, but now merely "like" you?

No, this isn't high school; this is the real world. In fact, it's the "real real" world, where unreturned e-mail, a quick hang-up or an uncomfortable mome ...

Updated: Thu Oct 30, 2008

Start Me Up for 11/06/2008

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Whether you're trying to get ahead in your job, or simply trying to keep hold of it, I've got a tip for you. In fact, I've got 10!

I hasten to add that the tipster imparting these tidy tidbits of wisdom is not myself. My only tips for job survival are:

1. Keep your head down.

2. Do as little as possible.

3. When the little work you actually do gets you in trouble wi ...

Updated: Thu Nov 06, 2008

Advice Columns Pointing in the Wrong Direction for 11/13/2008

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Do you ever get the feeling that you're going at it all wrong?

Here I am, week after week, struggling to provide you with the best advice on how to succeed as much as possible while doing as little as possible. I honestly thought you wanted to get ahead in life. Now, thanks to CareerBuilder.com, I understand that what the American worker wants most is to get fired. And if you can't get f ...

Updated: Thu Nov 13, 2008

'Tis the Season to Party Hardly for 11/20/2008

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0800

Bet I can guess the No. 1 thought in your cute little pea brain right now. You're thinking about how much fun you're going to have at work this holiday season. I can see you now — decorating the tree with multicolored Post-It notes, playing secret Santa with the nerds in IT, getting your stomach pumped after an overdose of eggnog at the company holiday party!

Can you just feel the ...

Updated: Thu Nov 20, 2008