I admit it! Sometimes I get so involved with the pains and problems of being supervised that I completely ignore the terrible burden on those who do the managing. After all, our supervisors carry a lot of responsibility on their bony shoulders. Plus, there's the stress of knowing that no matter how little work you actually do, you still will have to be front and center when it comes time to receive the credit.

Fortunately, my lack of empathy for the managerial class is balanced by the concern of an individual with impeccable credentials: Fred Pryor. I can't really tell you much about Fred because I don't know anything about him. In fact, Fred Pryor may not really exist. Fred could be a symbolic brand character, like Betty Crocker or Mrs. Butterfield or Dick Cheney.

One thing for certain, whoever and wherever Fred Pryor is, he is hard at work churning out seminars that cover subjects from "Guerrilla Marketing" (who knew the great apes had so much purchasing power?) to "Managing Multiple Priorities, Projects and Deadlines." It makes you wonder where's the seminar on Managing Multiple Personalities — that's the one you need in your office.

"How to Supervise People" is a Fred Pryor classic — a one-day load of training in which you will "learn effective leadership skills to maximize employee performance." And though Fred doesn't say, let me add that refers to maximizing employee performance for workers who aren't you.

In the beautifully crafted e-mail I received on this event, there are a bunch of bullet points to highlight the knowledge you will gain in a learning experience targeted for "new supervisors, senior supervisors, mid-level supervisors and non-supervisors." I also suggest it will be useful to those of us that are not-now-and-never-will-be supervisors. You know what they say in the IT department: Before you can beat your enemy, you have to understand your enemy.

Here are a few examples:

— How to provide meaningful praise.

It is important that supervisors learn how to give praise, since we never get much as employees. Start with a few simple expressions: "Good boy!" "Smart pooch!" and "Roll over, and I'll scratch your ears."

— Supervise friends and former peers without losing their respect.

Managing your equals can make for sticky situations in the workplace. Use the intimate knowledge gained when you worked side-by-side as colleagues. "I really value our long friendship," you might say. "I would certainly hate to include in your performance report the time you put yogurt in the gas tank of the CEO's Jaguar."

— Establish supervisor-subordinate relationship boundaries that won't be misunderstood.

It does take skill to create that clear and convivial "Me boss. You dirt." feeling. Give your workers meaningless and demeaning tasks to perform, like flossing your teeth for you, or performing arthroscopic surgery on your knee. Your people may protest that they are not qualified, but once they understand their position in the pecking order, they will be much happier and so will you.

— Give constructive criticism without it being taken seriously, even by the most sensitive employee.

Heaven knows employees are a sensitive bunch. How did it become such a "big deal" to ask someone to work when their wife is having a baby, or when they're having the baby themselves? You can't return the backbone to an American work force gone soft; you might as well assuage their delicate feelings. When you do have to give criticism, be constructive as in "You're a complete idiot and a total waste of oxygen, but good job on living up to my expectation that you are a moron."

— Develop a keen sense of when to take corrective action or fire an employee, and the legal implications of each.

Sad to say, a supervisor can no longer fire an employee just because you don't like the color of his tie. People don't wear ties today, and if they do, they're probably bossing you around. If you do decide to terminate an employee, make sure the offense is serious, like questioning your direct order. If you want an employee to get you a double cinnamon latte fast, you don't need some malcontent asking whether you want a grande or a vente!

By the end of the seminar you will "gain confidence and respect from your boss, peers and team." Not bad for one day's non-work; however, missing a day's work is not really a problem anymore, is it? You don't have to work. You're a supervisor.

Bob Goldman has been an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company in the San Francisco Bay Area. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@funnybusiness.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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