Be honest now. How would you like a job where you work when you want, get paid whatever you ask and are treated with respect by everyone in the company?

No, I'm not talking about being the boss. I'm talking about being a consultant.

Oh, to be a consultant! How wonderful that would be. And — guess what? — how very possible that the urge to consult will strike you, now that we're entering what could be an economic nuclear winter.

I suspect it is this real possibility of losing one's tether to a paycheck that prompted Eilene Zimmerman to devote a recent Career Couch column in The New York Times to the consulting lifestyle. "A Consultant's Life: Risk, Yes. Structure, No" is the title of a reporting piece that receives high marks from me for being fair and balanced about the risks and rewards of consulting.

Unfortunately, Zimmerman and her sources underestimate both the pain and lack of possibilities in our current positions. Yes, the life of a consultant is unstable and success is far from assured. Certainly, "you need to know whether you can handle a new level of uncertainty and self-direction." But isn't that exactly what we face right now in our theoretically steady positions? As long as cubical walls can come tumbling down and office furniture can be sold on eBay, security is a rare commodity in corporate America — and at the corner Starbucks, for that matter.

So, why not become a consultant? How hard can be it?

"You may have the best-laid plans, but you still don't know when you will land that first client, or when your income will become regular," says Edith Onderick-Harvey, president of Change Dynamics Consulting. "Sometimes 75 percent of your time will be spent selling yourself and often that's just networking."

You know what this means — if you're going to be a consultant, you need to be friendly and outgoing, which indicates going out and impressing strangers with your winning personality and intellectual vigor. Since that won't happen, you will need to establish a Plan B. Or, better, Plan P; the P is for pity.

If you're a family person you could enlist your children in the marketing effort, sending the kiddies off to school in torn and tattered clothing and filling their lunchboxes with blocks of surplus government cheese. By creating a high level of concern among your better-off neighbors and friends, pity-consulting gigs are sure to come your way. If you don't have children, rent some. You could also march up and down the main street of your town with a signboard reading, "Will Consult For Food."

"Building a network of contacts is crucial," Zimmerman writes, referring to the opinion of Linda Stewart, the chief executive of Epoch, a consulting service for consultants. "That network includes friends, colleagues, business associates, vendors and clients."

This strikes me as a good idea, indeed, with current clients serving as a fertile area for developing consulting relationships. Remember that your clients are feeling the economic squeeze, too. What sharp, cost-conscious businessperson could resist this pitch: "Hey, Client — would you like the same bad service, sloppy work and negative attitude at 25 percent less cost? Then fire my employer and hire me as a consultant. You'll be just as dissatisfied, and you'll save a bundle."

"Make sure you have a clear understanding of both your personal and business-related obligations," says Onderick-Harvey. "Working out of your home may mean low overhead costs, but you need things like office equipment, phone lines, business stationery, I.T. services, health insurance and professional malpractice insurance."

You can forget about malpractice. If you could be sued for malpractice, you'd be in San Quentin right now. Office equipment is important, so start collecting all you can from your current employer. Don't be greedy. Just take the plants in the reception area, the mahogany paneling from the conference room and the boss's leased Lexus. Stationery is problematical, but you can always cross out your present employer's name and address, and write in your own contact information. If that doesn't show loyalty and initiative to potential clients, I don't know what will.

Bottom line: Why not give consulting a try? If it doesn't work out, you can always do something easy, like find a job.

Bob Goldman has been an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company in the San Francisco Bay Area. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@funnybusiness.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.