Lenore Skenazy from Creators Syndicate

The Elected Official Infidelity Quiz for 06/25/2009

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 00:00:00 -0700

In the interest of providing the public with a service it has needed for some time — especially these past few days — we proudly present the first failproof quiz to determine: IS YOUR ELECTED OFFICIAL HAVING AN AFFAIR?

Look closely at his or her (come on — who are we kidding? — his ) behavior, and mark "X" next to any of the following items that ...

Updated: Thu Jun 25, 2009

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Don't Touch That Dial (Without Gloves) for 07/02/2009

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Item: "'Monsters Inside Me,' which begins a six-week run on Wednesday night, tells real stories of parasitic infection and detection in a ticking-clock style equally influenced by true-crime shows and 'House.' With its shadowy re-creations of agonizing illness and horror-movie animations of worms invading every part of the human body (including the brain), it reinforces a trend on Animal P ...

Updated: Thu Jul 02, 2009

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Blood, Swat and Tears: Mosquitoes and Us for 07/09/2009

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Guess it shouldn't come as a big surprise that the mosquito looms large in Native American mythology.

Sort of like the mosquito looming large in my bathroom right now.

I just climbed on the toilet to try to kill it, but of course, it zoomed straight down, practically begging me to lunge for it, break my angle and spend the rest of the summer lolling on the porch, one big, sweaty, ...

Updated: Thu Jul 09, 2009

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Pedophiles, Witches and Kids for 07/16/2009

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Sometimes, when I try to explain how frenzied we have become about the real but extremely rare crime of childhood abduction, I compare our era to that of 1692 Salem. There was no way — back then, back there — to convince the average person: Don't you see you're being swept up on a wave of mass hysteria? History will judge you as totally mad! (Though eventually, I suppose, that'll be ...

Updated: Thu Jul 16, 2009

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Hey, White House Honchos: Your Country Needs You More Than Your Kids for 07/23/2009

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Note to White House budget chief Peter Orszag: You are completely, dangerously deluded.

Not about the economy! (Or maybe you are; I can't say.) But you definitely are deluded about your job as a parent. And so are a bunch of your buddies.

A recent article in The New York Times, "'Family Friendly' White House Is Less So for Aides," featured honcho after hand-wringing honc ...

Updated: Thu Jul 23, 2009

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My Health Care Plan for 07/30/2009

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Seeing as everyone seems to be weighing in on the Obama health care plan and we can't possibly satisfy everyone, I have a suggestion:

Let's satisfy me! Here are the crucial changes I want NOW:

—No More Shots.

There is no way we really need them, because when I was a kid, they gave us this drop of salty medicine on our tongues, and that cured polio once and for all. I ...

Updated: Thu Jul 30, 2009

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It's Nice Out! Stay Inside, Kids! for 08/06/2009

Thu, 06 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Yea, it's summer! Time for kids to run around and ride their bikes and play like puppies till the moon shoos them home.

Unless, that is, they're living in the Eagle Place Townhomes, in Lafayette, Colo. There, no children are allowed to play outside, unsupervised, until age 16.

That's right. No kids. Outside. Without an adult. Period.

That's the new written rule at the 60-ho ...

Updated: Thu Aug 06, 2009

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The Risk of Avoiding All Risk for 08/13/2009

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0700

In the town of Milford, Conn., in 2005, a grandma named Una decided to build a pool. That way, her 14 grandchildren could play in it. Except, she worried, one couldn't.

He was allergic to nuts, and there was the possibility that if he and a nut happened to be in the pool at the same time — a tree nut, that is — he just might have an allergic reaction. So to keep him from miss ...

Updated: Thu Aug 13, 2009

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Up With Death Panels! for 08/20/2009

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Let's hear it for death panels.

That's the gruesome name Sarah Palin gave to the idea that medical professionals should be paid for the time they spend talking with patients about their options when they — the patients — are very sick.

In reality, the health care bill included nothing about "panels" at all. Nothing about a judge — or jury. No guy in a b ...

Updated: Thu Aug 20, 2009

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A Different Kind of Back-to-School Sail for 08/27/2009

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Maybe you've heard about Laura Dekker. She's the 13-year-old girl in the Netherlands who is already an accomplished sailor and now wants to become the youngest person to sail solo around the world. Her parents — or at least her seafaring dad, with whom she lives — are all for it. The Dutch equivalent of Child Protective Services is against it and currently seeking legal permission t ...

Updated: Thu Aug 27, 2009

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What Can Parents Learn From the Dugard Ordeal? for 09/03/2009

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Jaycee Dugard's tale will be seared in our memories forever. Unfortunately, so will the ridiculous advice we're getting now on how to avoid this same fate — advice that makes it seem as if abduction/rape/enslavement is something we just have to be ever-prepared for, like the possibility of overcharges on our credit card bills.

Dugard, as you undoubtedly know, was kidnapped 18 years ...

Updated: Thu Sep 03, 2009

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Commentary on the Commentators for 09/10/2009

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0700

In the eons between the time a presidential speech is scheduled to begin and the time it actually does, we viewers at home are left to watch this on our screens: People in the great hall, shaking hands. A shot of the podium. A shot of the flag. People in the hall again, shaking hands, possibly of the same people again, just to have something to do.

Over this scintillating footage, the co ...

Updated: Thu Sep 10, 2009

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Panic in the Men's Room for 09/17/2009

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0700

The little boys in the little girls' room seem to be getting a lot bigger lately. "We were just at the museum, and I took my son into the women's bathroom with me, and we got some looks," says a mom named Jennifer.

That's not so surprising; her son is 9. He's almost as tall as she is! "'Do I have to go in the girls' bathroom?'" Jennifer recalls him asking. ...

Updated: Thu Sep 17, 2009

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To Make a Predator for 09/24/2009

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0700

What's the difference between a 17-year-old who touches a 13-year-old's breast and a 34-year-old creep with a 13-year-old girlfriend?

Nothing — not when it comes to sex offender registries, at least — because we are talking about the same guy.

In fact, I was talking to him myself the other night, when he called in to a blog radio show called "Americans Reality Che ...

Updated: Thu Sep 24, 2009

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It's Gr8 2 B a Spy -- J for 10/01/2009

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Item: The man in the Facebook photographs seems like your average guy having a little fun. Here he is in a festive scene at a park, gamely wearing ... a Santa Claus hat. Here he is again, playing Frisbee on the beach. ... Oops. It turns out that this is not a regular person at all. He is in fact Sir John Sawers, diplomat and spy, currently the British ambassador to the United Nations and soon t ...

Updated: Thu Oct 01, 2009

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Are All Men Bad? for 10/08/2009

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

On the bus going across town today, my husband and I sat behind a girl of about 13. No one sat next to her, even though a couple of folks were standing. This reminded me of my long-ago trip to Turkey. When I was there, in the 1980s, men were not allowed to take empty seats next to women.

I don't know whether this was by law or custom, but the thinking seemed to be that men are too rude, ...

Updated: Thu Oct 08, 2009

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Spork the Zero-Tolerance Rules for 10/15/2009

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

The big news this week was ... well, it was about health care. Lately it's always about health care. But the news that probably got the most people's blood pressure up to where they NEEDED health care was the story of 6-year-old Zachary Christie, a Delaware first-grader who brought his beloved Cub Scout spoon/fork/knife to school to eat his lunch with.

And promptly was suspended for 45 d ...

Updated: Thu Oct 15, 2009

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Letting Our Kids Walk to School ... After Somer for 10/22/2009

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

When you hear that a little girl was abducted and killed — as we did this past week about Somer Renee Thompson, the Florida 7-year-old who ran ahead of her friends on her walk home from school and was found a few days later in a landfill — it is hard to feel anything other than anguish and rage.

Seeing your kids come through the door feels like a blessing. Hugging them feels ...

Updated: Thu Oct 22, 2009

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As Goes Halloween, So Goes Childhood for 10/29/2009

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700

Forget all the Bernie Madoff masks. If you want to see something really scary on Halloween, come to my home about 9 p.m. I'm letting my kids eat unwrapped candy.

They can eat any homemade goodies they get, too, and that unholy of unholies: candy that has a slightly torn wrapper. And on the very off chance they get an apple, they can gnaw it to the core, as long as there's not a razor-siz ...

Updated: Thu Oct 29, 2009

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Ship of Fools for 11/05/2009

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0800

NEW YORK — A goliath of gray, huge beyond human proportions, the USS New York sits in the Hudson River, here to be commissioned (Nov. 7) in the city that gave it its name.

This is a warship — or, more prosaically, an "amphibious transport dock" — with 7.5 tons of steel from the World Trade Center in its bow. Judging from its islandlike size, 7.5 tons is the st ...

Updated: Thu Nov 05, 2009

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