Dear High-School Girl:

Congratulations. It is prom season, and you are going to one. Have fun; don't drink; and please don't do the one other prom-night thing that can lead to a lifetime of misery:

Don't try to be a movie star.

Oh, I know you're going to anyway. You're going to devote yourself (and your mother) to finding the perfect dress, shoes, bag and bling, no matter the cost. Then you are going to get plucked, powdered, primped (and possibly waxed) by professional hairdressers, manicurists, makeup artists (and waxers), just as Angelina Jolie does. All of which would be fine except for one thing:

You're not Angelina Jolie! You're not even one of her million kids! You're a high-school senior!

Who decided prom is no fun unless you indulge in the kind of super-pampering once reserved for royal brides or the ladies up for Best Actress? The idea that you could borrow your mom's purse or apply your own eye shadow sounded laughable to most of the girls to whom I spoke. Or as California high-school senior Vivienne Barlow put it: She could do her makeup herself, "But I really wanted to have someone else do it for me."

Prom is not about a dance anymore. It's not about playing dress-up. It's not even about sex! It's about the chance to be the one thing our culture values: a celebrity.

"You do not want to go to prom with a dress that another girl has on," Jalea Moses, a senior at an inner-city school, said. "If you do, you're going to be upset because it takes away from your individuality."

Now, naturally, no one wants to show up wearing the same dress as, say, her date. But girls are talking about the specter of same-gown shame as if they're being stalked by "TMZ." Why? Is Mr. Blackwell going to cross them off his best-dressed list? Is People magazine planning a cover story? And yet …

"My cousin came all the way up from Virginia just to buy a dress no one else in her high school would be wearing," said Catherine McManus, a New York publicist. The cousin chose one from Bloomingdale's and one from Lord & Taylor. Then her mom called those stores in Virginia to make sure they weren't carrying the same dresses. Each one cost more than $400.

The fashion biz is, of course, delighted to feed this celebrity delusion. This year's issue of Seventeen Prom has 437 pages. It looks exactly like a teenage version of those Bible-thick bridal guides, right down to features such as "How To Get The Right Bra for Your Prom Dress." A girl couldn't wear one she already owned, right? Would Angelina? Ka-ching!

Then there's another section featuring the gowns that Hollywood stars are wearing and where to find prom dresses just like them. Ka- ching !

Girls are spending more on the prom than they will on college books. Californian Vivienne Barlow got a Betsey Johnson for $400. Jalea Moses spent $200 on her dress, as did her sister, Janee, who says most of her girlfriends — she's from Brooklyn, N.Y. — spent more. And then there were the shoes: Janee's were $200.

As for the special handbag and hairdo and jewelry, Janee's godmother pitched in for all that. All told, the evening cost more than $600, including the Hummer limo (because who takes a plain old car?) and prom tickets. Tickets to the after party — and a different dress and different shoes — and the after-after party (a cruise!) were not included.

Luckily, I've got a simple solution to this madness:

Promiforms.

You know — prom uniforms. Have all the boys dress in blue suits. Have all the girls wear the same dress. Or go the Hogwarts route and have them all wear wizard gowns.

Goodbye, promzillas! See you again when you marry a prince.

Or Brad on the rebound.

Lenore Skenazy is a columnist at The New York Sun and Advertising Age. To find out more about Lenore Skenazy (lskenazy@yahoo.com) and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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