Sung to the tune of The Rolling Stones' '(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction'; optional accompaniment by Wii air guitar.

I can't get no-o satisfaction.

I can't get no-o media traction.

But I try; but I try; I will lie — even cry.

I can't get no; I can't get no.

Was with Bush One up in Maine,

And Obama's on the radio.

And he's tellin' you, my friends, some more

About some Afghan information

Supposed to inspire their imaginations.

I can't get no, oh, no, no, no.

Hey, hey, hey, hear what I say.

When I'm watchin' my TV,

Barack's in Pair-ee with Sarkozy

Taking questions like he's presidential.

Why can't the hopemonger be more deferential?

Doesn't the press understand?

That I can't free throw like that man?

I can't get no, oh, no, no, no.

Hey, hey, hey, hear what I say.

When I'm watchin' my TV,

And that man shows up in Germany,

And they treat him like he's the messiah.

Makes me wonder if I ought to early retire.

But the neocons tell me stay

'Cause if I'm elected, then they still get to play.

I can't get no, oh, no, no, no.

Hey, hey, hey, hear what I say.

While he's flying 'round the world,

I'm town hallin' this and town hallin' that.

Israel is warming up, too.

What's a Republican like me s'pose to do?

Sent my pretty wife to NASCAR,

But that didn't really get us that far.

My friends the troops sure seem to like him,

But I'm more battle-worn and scarred just like 'em.

I can't get no, oh, no, no, no.

Hey, hey, hey, hear what I say.

If the economy gets much worse,

The more Bush Two scripts I'll need to rehearse.

Fuel prices are starting to soar.

That's something I will just have to ignore.

I'll say we need more oil drilling offshore,

But then he'll counter with, "Not too much more."

He's talkin' greenhouse and Darfur.

It's not about the war on terror anymore.

I can't get no, oh, no, no, no.

Hey, hey, hey, hear what I say.

When I'm on the World Wide Web,

And that man comes on the Internet

Filling your heads with left-wing spin.

Just makes me bring up Hitler, Che and Fidel again.

So what? I changed the map of Iraq and Iran.

How am I to know what borders Pakistan?

Like Hillary, I'm dancing fast as I can,

But I'll never soft-shoe like that man.

I can't get no, oh, no, no, no.

Hey, hey, hey, hear what I say.

I ought to pick my running mate right away.

Then I might finally seize the day.

They say I should pick some younger guy,

But not so young he can't straighten his tie.

Cheney says he knows a guy who will do,

But I'm not trusting his advice; would you?

A woman? How 'bout a person of color?

In this election year, it's gotta be one or the other.

I can't get no, oh, no, no, no.

Hey, hey, hey, hear what I say.

If I don't beat the drums of war,

I'll never even up the score.

My supporters say we need another attack

To show how much this newbie is whack.

'Cause if it's one thing I know how to do,

It's to follow up Bush One and then Bush Two.

Some in the ranks predict another electoral surprise.

More voter disenfranchisement, I might surmise.

I can't get no, oh, no, no, no.

Hey, hey, hey, hear what I say,

I can't get no; I can't get no.

I can't get no satisfaction.

No satisfaction, no media traction, no satisfaction.

Rhonda Chriss Lokeman (RCLCreators@kc.rr.com) is a contributing editor to The Kansas City Star. To find out more about Rhonda Chriss Lokeman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.